Jenn's World

Science fiction author charged with assaulting a U.S. officer at Canadian border.

Rallies sci-fi community to pay for legal funds.

(He rescues kitty cats on the side.)

With the holidays coming up, I'm too busy to post at the moment. Soon, though. I'll try to get in a couple next week.

On the twelve days of Christmas, my true love gave to me...

BRAINS!

(Zombie daily Christmas Cards located here.)

Some fall a little flat, some of them are pretty good.

I'm actually not that big a fan of zombies in general, except for this one horror movie I saw once where zombie veterans came back from their grave to vote anti-war and kill an Ann Coulter lookalike.

But I do like zombie jokes. I'm mystified by their popularity, though.

Speaking of Ann Coulter ripoffs, I'm annoyed that Glenn Beck is not only a Fox commentator but also a spokesman for a commercial gold website. As a journalist, I always think it's bad when someone sells out their integrity. While I'm admittedly not a Beck fan in the first place, I think it's a violation of ethics to try to present yourself as an arbitrator of truth and then trade on that reputation to sell products. And I'm left wondering--why? Given his best-sellerlyness and his steady job, does he really need more money?

In short, if one of my reporters did that, I would be VERY cross with them.

Golly gee, I'm sick again. Which is amazing since I've been a hermit this past week. Germs somehow invaded my fortress of solitude.

Good thing Legend of the Seeker is here to entertain me. Richard Rahl/Cypher actor Craig Horner has grown a beard. But had he grown THE BEARD?

When I see him, I have the urge to shout "GET A HAIRCUT, YOU HIPPEE!!!"

While I'll grant that Legend of the Seeker has its quality issues, there's so much quality camp ("Or you'll feel the wrath of my sword!") that how can you NOT love it? (Speaking of camp, hulu also has some MST3K up and the Inspector Gadget Saves Christmas. Because is there anything extendable legs can't solve? No? I thought so). I'm happy to see they're keeping around the main villain from season one, because despite a general aura of villanous stupidity, he does entertain me. I wish he'd camp it up more. At least he hasn't worn his "wizard's wifebeater" this season.

I haven't read anything of Goodkind's but the Wizard's First Rule, mostly because--I don't like Ayn Rand. The ironic thing is, the whole premise of Legend of the Seeker, which is about going around and saving weak and helpless people seems somewhat contradictory to the Ayn Rand's ideas... But I'm not an expect.

But Legend of the Seeker is not only a philosophical masterpiece (teehee), it is also an educational tool. So, without further ado...

EVERYTHING I'VE LEARNED FROM LEGEND OF THE SEEKER

25) Any problem can be solved with a sufficiently big magic sword.
24) Dharken Rahl looks pretty good naked.
23) Skirts are absolutely no hindrance in a battle.
22) Wizards can cut holes in walls when it comes to letting prisoners escape, but they can't cut their way into evil fortresses.
21) You cannot be slightly evil. You have to either be a) misunderstood b) an axe-wielding maniac or c) a lovable thief.
20) Swords are for slashing, never stabbing. And enemies will always fall down with dramatic death cries, even though there are no visible wounds.
19) Always wear your corset laced up as tightly as possible, even while sleeping.
18) All farmer/ranger types can instantly pick up swordplay and then go on to beat any trained, armored swordsman.
17) A white dress will never get dirty, even if you're beaten and thrown in prison.
16) Your power is directly proportional to the power the plot requires. (IE, the Power-ups and abilities you gained last episode will never be useful again. And the guy who beat you at the beginning of the episode will not be able to manage to do so at the end of the episode...even though no change has been made except for the hero learning a moral.)
15) Real men never use hand gestures.
14) Hair will mysteriously get longer if you braid it and pile it on top of your head.
13) An explosion must always be accompanied by a hero leaping away and screaming.
12) All magical keys, potions, puzzles, etc. will be designed to be ridiculously difficult and often require trips to several different villages, no matter what the end result actually is.
11) If you have important information that the hero must know, write it down, because chances are, when you try to tell it to them you'll be killed mid-sentence.
10) Hot peasant women will always have access to great tailors. And their massive cleavage will never get in the way of their farming, ie, pop out while they're hoeing potatoes.
9) There are two sides in any argument, of which one of them will always be wrong. Unless they're both wrong. 'Gray area' is another word for 'pussy.'
8) When in doubt, get on something high and leap off screaming. This always works.
7) Even if someone's made a HUGE, TERRIBLE mistake, their spouse and friends will always forgive them completely within an hour-long span of time.
6) Good guys important to the plot never die. If they do, a woman dressed in the tight red leather will climb on top of them and give them mouth to mouth. Which is, of course, an enticement to suicide.
5) Cheaters never prosper. Unless they're lovable side characters who actually have hearts of gold. (Sorry blond dude, but you're no Bruce Campbell)
4) Hell is actually a naked gay orgy.
3) Don't ignore prophecy because it will come back and bite you in the ass.
2) Peasants are always happy unless they're currently being molested by tyrants or monsters.
1) Yes, the slit in Kahlan's skirt CAN go higher.

Joshua Bilmes did a kind of Borders vs. Barnes and Noble business analysis on his blog, which I find kind of interesting. When I was younger, I dreamed of owning my own bookstore, so seeing a window into that process fascinates me.

If you haven't heard the news, Borders UK just went under, which worries me because it may portend bad things for Borders USA--though they say that the UK collapse won't effect the U.S. branch, which its hard to tell if they're just reassuring shareholders or if that's really true. I try to support independent local bookstores whenever I can, because while I have nothing against B&N and Borders personally, I have fond memories of curling up in my favorite low-lit, dusty bookstores, petting the cat dangling off some shelf as I walk by. To keep those sort of places in business, I'm willing to pay a little more.

Sherman Alexie did an interesting interview on the Colbert report to that effect saying that he refuses to have his books published on the Kindle because e-books can put independent local bookstores out of business, which I hadn't really thought about before. I'd thought about e-books changing the nature of publishing, but not the nature of bookselling. Which is, I suppose, why I'm a fantasy author instead of a science fiction author--sometimes the ramifications of new technology escape me.

Whether I personally buy local or not, I'm still glad that Borders appears to be improving its situation financially because I don't like the monopoly of power that I've heard B&N has developed re: book covers, titles and other publisher decisions. It's amazing how large of an effect one of their deciders has. While a B&N stocking choice won't always make or break a book, it makes a very large difference in an author's career, which is why a lot of publishers bend over backward to accommodate them. I read on an author's blog how disappointed he was when he heard B&N would not be carrying his books. A blow like that is heavy, while having Sam & Mary's bookstore in Puducka, Connecticut not carry your stuff is a lot less harsh.

I'm not being negative against B&N--they're a good store, a good business, and I hope they thrive and make billions of dollars with the Nook, but I just like to see that kind of power shared instead of concentrated.

DONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I think finishing the first revision/second draft of one's novel is cause for excessive exclamation marks.

I'll be going over some of the trouble spots with a fine tooth comb for the rest of the week. Then my beta readers will be getting a little Godsplay Christmas present in your inbox...

STATS:

543 pages
133,500 words by the "every page = 250 words" measurement
12o,500 words by MS word count
Some 570,070 characters (making...about 4.7 letters per word)
Plus some 117,210 spaces
13,157 lines
and 3,674 paragraphs.

And to think I almost spent the night playing World of Warcraft :)

So much for me not posting anything...I must be trying to avoid writing!

My goal is to finish Godsplay by Saturday because Dave's doing a signing in Provo and it would be nice to go to him and say: 'Yahoo! I'm done!' Literally, yahoo. Said in as monotone voice as I can manage.

In the mean time, go read Patrick Rothfuss' interview with Campbell Award Nominee Joe Abercrombie, in which he asks one of the most important questions a writer can be asked: if you were a tree, what kind would you be?

(His answer? Oak. My answer: Coconut. Because I think coconuts are funny.)

Speaking of funny words, I have discovered the root of all comedy. Llamas.

The more serious the sentence, the more people will laugh. I'm trying to sell my uncle's llama. Whenever I tell people that, they laugh so hard that they almost start crying. The word llama is THAT funny. Of course, I help add my own touch with the words "slightly-used." You can add "slightly-used" to anything and it raises its humor by +5, -5 to save vs. giggling.

Constantly, the heroes in my humorous fantasy I occasionally write ideas down for are going to ride llamas. I hereby patent this idea! Get your hands off of it, comedy-mongers!!!!

Listened to Writing Excuses again before going to bed. Which, as we all know, triggers the weirdest dreams...

In this case, I spent most of the time watching my grandfather run over suicide bombers who jumped on the road, mowing them all down with his truck. It didn't make a lot of sense, but at least I got to eat Tikka Masala after we went to a banquet thrown in the terrorists' honor (with Indian food?).

Anyway, there I met Brandon Sanderson, who was holding a book signing in a treehouse. Which he should totally do because IT WOULD BE AWESOME. I climbed up there and managed to convince him to read the first five pages of my novel, only I couldn't find my new drafts. I think I ended up re-writing the first five pages from scratch.

When I came down from my hotel room the next morning, Sanderson was literally furious, sweat pouring down his face, pacing back and forth, stomping around. He told me I should never show this to anyone again because it was so horrible, the worst thing ever written in a variety of ways, and I was punishing people by forcing them to read it. THEN he accused me of breaking into his office and plagiarizing parts of the Towers of Midnight... (because it was horrible if I wrote it, but if he wrote it, it was a masterpiece :) )

I woke up, then. Strangest thing was, I woke up feeling happy despite the soul-shredding critique because I'm like "Brandon Sanderson read my work! Awesome!!!!!"

Poor Brandon. He has to play the weirdest roles in my dreams. When I was a Storm Leader, it was nice because almost all the other Storm Leaders had weird dreams about him/Robert Jordan books too. So I may be strange, but at least I'm not the only one.

Other people dream about movie stars. I dream about fantasy authors. Golly, Virgia, I think I'm a nerd.

Local editor and convention favorite Stacy Whitman has decided to start her own publishing house! They're going to focus on multicultural science fiction/fantasy for children/Y.A., which is cool. If they meet their fundraising goals, they're going to open for submissions in January. I hope it goes well for them. The site looks nice.

Whitman is formerly of Mirrorstone, a children's/Y.A. imprint of the Wizards of the Coast.

I'll be really busy this week, so don't expect a lot of posts from me. I did want to mention that Terry Brooks is having an online chat tomorrow. Don't miss it if you're a fan!

Yay! My alma mater won the PAC 10! The Rose Bowl awaits! Yay!

Strange, how I can sometimes care about such strange things. Why should it matter which group of slump-shouldered men bangs the other ones into oblivion? I don't know any of them, so I have no personal stake in the game, yet I must cheer... I developed a taste for winning at debate tournaments, and somehow that competitive spirit can transfer to strange things.


Of course, I probably should have done this post during NaNoWriMo, but who says you can't use the advice throughout the year?

The write or die app by the appropriately named Dr. Wicked will do annoying things to you if you stop writing and don't fulfill your word count modes. I haven't tried it, but I love their slogan-- "putting the prod back in productivity."

Inkwell offers humorous advisory twitters helping NaNoWriMo writers pad their word counts from famous authors such as J.R.R. Tolkien, Stephanie Meyer and Anne Frank. ("Avoid distractions! When I wrote my book, I locked myself in the attic & refused to let any1 in.")

Finally, the NaNoWriMo site asks the proverbial question: "I wrote a Novel, Now What?" You can find the answers here.

It includes snippets of advice from people about revising, including a Scott Westerfield quote that compares meaningful evisceration of a novel vs. the shallow easy changes, which he calls "rearranging deck chairs on the Hindenburg."

I had no clue that "Water for Elephants" was a NaNoWriMo book! Wow! You can bet the revision/research took longer than a month, though...

My car's been working smoothly since I got it fixed and the demons were exorcised from my laptop. All it took was a little sprinkling of holy water. Huzzah!

I know most didn't like the cover for Dragon Reborn because of the costumes, but I liked that one better than this one. I'm just not digging the new eBook cover. Too...conflictless. Pastoral. Dull. Although pretty. Good artist, good artwork, just not my cup of tea. Though I like the fact that Rand looks like he's about to hurl his flute at Min's head, or something.

Patrick Rothfuss is having his annual "Worldbuilders"donate-a-thon (or as I prefer to think of it, 'Heiferfest', where he's selling books and collectors' items such as first-edition copies of Name of the Wind. All proceeds go to the Heifer International, which provides chickens and ducks and things like that to starving people in depressed countries. They're renewable food resources that last, ala 'the give a man a fish' vs. 'teach a man to fish.' (I get the parable, but I've always wondered--why not both!) I will probably donate to get his guide of college newspaper columns. Since the conservative media put us both through a certain hullabullu after we published perhaps less than judicious comments given the heat of the moment, (ah, the love. The death threats. The Drudge Report) so I feel we have a special bond.

I haven't decided whether or not or should request that my old college newspaper should take my newspaper columns down if and when I get the call from a publisher. Well, any news is good news, right? Even if I get hassled for things I may or may no longer believe.

Anyway, Heifer Internatioanl is a great cause. This is my favorite kind of fundraiser, feel good and get cool swag, including a lot of great stuff you can win, lottery style. Last year, Pat was offering 100 percent matching funds, but this year he's only doing 50 percent, which is probably just as well. I was amazed he didn't bankrupt himself.

Later in the month they'll be doing auctions of things such as "agent X will read your manuscript." Rothfuss' agent is Matt Bialer, who has one of the best slates of sf/f clientele in the nation, so if he participates in the auction, it would be a great opportunity for an aspiring novelist.

I'd donate some books for the lottery, but I wouldn't want any poor sucker stuck with my semi-finished manuscript to feel cheated. Though it would probably be worth thousands once I'm a best-selling author (rolls eyes incredulously).

Speaking of semi-finished manuscript, the whips have come out! I'm working on it again and things are going semi-smoothly. It really helps that I have a skeleton to base things on, no matter how flawed. One way or another, this thing will be done by Christmas. Which means that I managed to write and revise the novel in what, seven months? Not quite Brandon Sanderson speed, but not bad, either. Hopefully, once it's done, I'll be able to find some better real life employment, too.

PS: Rothfuss' blog is quite entertaining, and there aren't that many posts, so you can read it from the beginning in a couple of days if you want to. There are some interesting insights into the industry, such as I never thought how hard a translator's job is, catching all the subtleties and changing the language!

Real life friend of author sues her for libeling her in her fictional book and wins.

I haven't red the "Red Hat Club" book, but apparently one of the characters in it was based on a real-life person, but twisted to become an alcoholic, promiscuous person. And the person who it was based upon took offense. She recognized the incidents in her life and sued, claiming defamation.

I'm a little surprised she won, but she did, which is a reminder to all writers that--whether you like this verdict or not--it's important to disguise your characters really well. If you borrow from a friend's life, change the incident enough and mix in enough different character traits that nobody will ever know.

Obviously there's something going on behind the scenes between the plaintiff and the defendant that made it so the plaintiff couldn't just laugh it off, so I think there must be more to the story in this case. I covered the court beat as a reporter for 1.5 years, and I would have enjoyed covering this one.

Colleen McCullough, author of the Masters of Rome series, which I quite enjoyed, is scheduled to have brain surgery today to help with her trigeminal neuralgia, "an illness nicknamed the 'suicide disease' because it causes excruciating pain to all parts of the face."

--The Times via Publisher's Lunch.

She says she's half-way through her 22nd novel and less afraid of dying than of not ever being able to write again. Oddly enough, she was a neuroscientist before she began writing.

Pray for her and her recovery.

Build your vocabulary while donating food to starving refugees here!

I managed to get up to 40. Can you beat me? Don't be fooled by the ease of your early victories, this game is tough.

Nothing makes you appreciate good copy-editing like a mistake.

There are the minor annoyances like "security" for "scrutiny," that sort of thing. And I read them and I chuckle and I move on.

But then you come across a sentence like this: "he appeared to have fallen in love with Vialle, and now he resided the legendary unicorn."

And you say to yourself, what is that supposed to mean? Out of context as I've left the line, you might think the character could be residing with the legendary unicorn, except he isn't. Or that Vialle is the legendary unicorn, but she isn't. In context, the line is totally incomprehensible.

Obviously, there was a line break between "now" and "he" and somehow, a line got left out in the publishing process. Luckily, I could fill in the missing words reasonably quickly and go on.

But it just reminds me how thankful we should be (in this season of gratitude) for copyeditors. I was a newspaper editor and so one of my main duties was copyediting. It about tore me up inside. With long hours and hard days and so much information you're supposed to know (or wore, you assume that you do know even though you really don't) there's really no way to avoid mistakes entirely. And I made some big ones. I made mistakes and let mistakes slip by that still haunt me sometimes at night. Grammatical copyediting is something I'm good at, but catching name misspellings and the wrong name on the wrong photograph, that sort of thing, is really not my forte.

The worst part is, nobody notices you until you do a bad job. If you do a good job, you're invisible, but if the reporter under you accidentally writes the wrong name for the mayor and you don't catch it because you're new in town...all sorts of people call you up (not the person who made the mistake) and tell you what an ugly, awful, stupid little person you are.

Getting those calls helped me develop a thicker skin, so I thank them, because I am overly sensitive and while stuff can still hurt (like having my writing being called "too girly"....grrrr...) at least now, I can take a step back and thank the people who are kicking me in the solar plexis.

And I can forgive myself for my mistakes and move on.

What's the worst mistake you've seen in a book or newspaper? Any howlers?

Last night, I watched a program on Mayan hieroglyphs. Imagine writing in a language where each syllable is a picture, and one sound can have thirteen different glyph variations. Imagine if letters are hid, one inside another. Imagine if you had to chisel all of these letters on slabs to tell their stories. Someone should incorporate a pictogramatic language into their fantasy world--alien and fantastic words are almost always based on european characters for a good reason, but still, I'd love to see the variety.

I never realized how complicated their language was. A language evolved where the delivery was more artful than the message. I'm thankful I'm not a writer in that time. It would make everything very complicated.

I'm thankful for a lot of things. I'm thankful I have a good mind to learn trivia of ancient civilizations. I'm thankful there are puzzles to solve and things that catch my interest through the duller days of life. I'm grateful I have a family full of loving people who have always sheltered and protected me. I'm thankful they've supported me while I followed my dreams.

I'm thankful I'm physically fit, that I have a body that will let me dance and run around, even though I spend most of every day living on a couch. I'm thankful that I have a lot of books around to inspire me and let my mind fly places humans can only dream of.

I'm grateful that I have a work ethic and a stubbornness that makes it difficult to quit. I'm grateful that I have clean food and water. I'm grateful for shampoo that makes my hair blonder and the sweet, comfortable wonders of denim. If I lived in a time when I had to wear a bustle, I think I'd crack in two. I'm thankful for the turkey cooking above me in my grandmother's oven and the gravy that is always salty enough to make me grit my teeth but that I eat anyway because she works so hard and I don't want to disappoint her.

But most of all, I am thankful for love. For being capable of it, for having examples of it in my life. For the fact that I can feel it because tonight, I'm warm and safe.

Thank you.

My brother discovered that (drum roll please!) I am now quoted as an authoritative source in wikipedia. God help the world.

As my brother said, "You know you've hit the big time now!"

Anyway, I'm hoping this will be enough to make the liberal media elites send me my membership badge now, because I sooo want to be a part of that world-ruling cabal (sarcasm /off).

The wikipedia entry is here. Scroll down to the bottom to find me. Colbert interviews await.

The column referenced is short and amusing, so I'll practice pimping for myself and say: go read it.

In the meantime, columnist Michael Wolff tells you to boycott "fake" books in his article "Books are Bad for You."

Feel free also to boycott columns that intentionally use inflammatory statements like "Books are evil" and "Literate people should boycott books" to create controversy when all he's really saying is "celebrity and political memoirs like Sarah Palin's suck."

Way to create a reaction storm from nothing, man. Congrats.

Car's back. They fixed a couple of things, we'll see if it did any good. I suspect I'll still have to replace the battery. Boo.

Quarterly sales figures are down at Barnes and Noble and Borders, with B&N sales falling 2 percent and Borders falling a whopping 12 percent. So put on your Doom and Gloom hats.

Actually B&N sales fell less this quarter than they have in the past six quarters, so maybe that's a good sign.

The news sent B&N stock plummeting 6.5%. I've wanted some B&N stock for awhile, so maybe I'd better go race and tell my stock broker :).

While I'm doing that, why don't you read an interesting article from 2006 by Scott R. Bakker defending fantasy and criticizing 'elite literature.' As well as strict literalist religion.

On top of my car not working, now my laptop is on its last legs, too. I will have to probably get the screen replaced this week or buy a new one. Things are piling up. So if I don't post for awhile, I haven't abandoned you. My laptop's just in the shop.

My novel is backed up so no worries when it goes. I'm scared about finishing it. Becoming a published author was my dream. It's kept me alive through unemployment, finding out I was dating a sex offender, etc. The idea that I could work so hard and fail is terrifying. Better never to finish than put my baby out into such a scary world.

But if this one fails, there's always the next one, right? It took Brandon Sanderson a heck of a lot more tries than my measly three to get things working. And I already have a cool Y.A. novel thought, and another cool fantasy novel thought. I have more ideas than I have time to work on.

Anyway, the thing that will frustrate me the worst in books is when an author builds up and fails to deliver. For example, I was reading a book by one of my favorite authors, and for four chapters he spends time building up "the Argument" with a capital A, about how mind-blowing it is and revolutionary, etc.

What is the argument: THERE IS NO FREE WILL. It's all an illusion.

And I'm like--seriously? That was the big argument? That's the argument that upsets people?

I discovered that argument when I was 14 years old. It's a natural outgrowth of the nature/nurture debate. Can you actually control anything or are you programmed? If you have a criminal's genes, you're a criminal. Or if your parents beat you, chances are, you beat your children. Do you have any choice in the matter? Or is your choice predestined by your genes and your upbringing?

And you're telling me two intelligent men, a college professor and a neuroscientist, are driven crazy and obsessed with this idea? The fact that human beings are merely a set of buttons, predictable machines who must respond certain ways to certain stimuli, will upset a trained FBI agent so much?

Dude, I figured this out when I was fourteen and it didn't upset me. I thought about it, realized it didn't matter whether free will actually existed or not, because it was to society's benefit to pretend it existed. Because without the concept of free will, personal responsibility goes out the window, and that basically screws up the court system. It also creates a lot of depressed people.

It's like religion. Whether or not there's an afterlife, it comforts me to think that there is an afterlife, so why not believe in it, even if the evidence for it is (naturally) a little limited. Religion is the opiate of the masses, but if (for me) religion has few painful side effects while at the same time giving me an emotional boost and an incentive to believe that the choices I make actually matter, than that's a drug I can sign onto. It's only the people who use religion as a weapon for harm that need to be taken into rehab.

My brother discovered "the Argument" at about the same age. I remember he came home from school one day, proud as a peacock, and told me that he'd spent all his lunch hour arguing about whether or not free will exists. "I took the harder side," he said, "I argued it doesn't exist."

And I asked, "Why is that the harder side?"

He looked at me for a moment, not speaking, then said at last, "I guess it isn't."

Maybe the two of us were super-geniuses. Maybe most college freshmen would blow up at the idea that they're just robots acting out a combination of their genes and their background and that free will is obviously an illusion born of neurochemicals. But I doubt it.

The moral of the story is that, the more you build up a scene, an idea, or a character, the more fantastic it has to be. Because even if something's written well, it can still be a wall-banger if it disappoints your expectations in a fundamental way. And the higher the expectations, the easier it is to disappoint.

This is what happened for me at the end of the Harry Potter series, and will likely happen to me as I watch more Lost.

WRITING PROMPT #11

TITLE: Revelations
GENRE: Any
TYPE: Character

Write a big reveal scene for one of your characters that shatters their preconcieved expectations. Not just any preconceived notions, but the one at the center of their being. What knowledge would hurt them the most? That their parents are not actually their parents? That the woman he/she loves doesn't even remember that all-important moment when they first connected? That they are a god and the world around them is merely their dream?

Find the most precious notion of the character's soul and rip it apart. If your character isn't a weeping, dribbling mess by the end of the scene, you haven't found the right revelation yet.

This will help you understand the template of your character's soul. It also can possibly be used as a weapon by your villain (a false revelation, or at least a point of attack now that you know where your character is vulnerable) or a twist...if your revelation is realistic and not a cliche--ie, Luke (or Richard Cypher) I am your father...

1. When a distinguished but elderly scientist states that something is possible, he is almost certainly right. When he states that something is impossible, he is very probably wrong.
2. The only way of discovering the limits of the possible is to venture a little way past them into the impossible.
3. Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.

You know what I hate? Car trouble. I have to jump start my Honda every morning. I've had this problem for a couple years, it only happens during the winter months, but when it's cold, the battery drains overnight. I thought the problem would be fixed when I got a new battery after the old one died completely two months ago, now it's having problems again.

The frustrating thing is that the dealership says its the battery and the battery place says its electrical. I went to three different places yesterday and got three different answers. And because I don't understand how my car works, I can't tell whether what they're telling me makes any sense at all. Cars are magic. They just work. Or, they don't.

It doesn't help me that the last time I went in for car repairs, I got taken in by the mechanic. It was a big national chain so I presumed they would hire people reputable, but perhaps not. Anyway, something about my car sounded really off, and when I came in, it turns out the plastic mud shield was dragging on the ground. But the mechanic also told me that my struts were cracked and various other things were wrong. A simple $10 replacement ended up costing me several thousand dollars. And I'll never know whether he was telling the truth because I didn't get a second opinion. There weren't many mechanics who could do Hondas in rural Montana. I trusted him, even though I probably shouldn't have. Because last year, my aunt went in for car repairs at a different shop and they fed her the same story. But when she took it to a different place, they said it was fine and that was a common thing mechanics shady mechanics said was wrong with their cars.

That's the problem with me. I'm so gullible. I always believe the best of people because I can't believe that anyone would ever intentionally hurt someone. It's like, I'm this vulnerable puppy so why would anyone kick me? I think maybe that's why I constantly date scumbags. Because I'm so absolutely committed to giving everyone the benefit of the doubt, I subconsciously ignore warning signs that other women must pick up on. Well, lesson learned, I suppose.

Anyway, hopefully I'll be able to get my car fixed soon. And I'll go to the place that told my aunt nothing was wrong. I'll take honesty and integrity over low cost any time.

Going along with this month's apparent theme of cover art, Sfsignal spoke to a lot of editors/illustrators/bloggers etc. about their favorite cover art. A lot of them are favorites from when they were growing up, so a lot of them have buxom women with partially ripped chainmail bikinis and the like. But some of them are mindblowingly spectacular. My favorites of them are lined up to the left. These are the kind of covers that might make me buy a book I've never read or heard anything about. You can read more about them here.

My childhood nostalgia cover of choice would definitely be Test of the Twins. The way Raistlin stares out with that smirk with that smeared sunset across the sky. So creepy. And so accurate. And I've always thought the Dragonlance logo is cool too.

I try to post daily, but sometimes life interferes. Point of example, my cousin won a gold medal at a karate tournament. Yah! It was good to see so many young girls competing. And how many of their parents came out to support them.

But busy is good. I've been reading the complete Chronicles of Amber, which doesn't qualify as new fiction but is something I've always wanted to read. It's funny how you can pick up a book and read one page and you suddenly have a good idea what year it's written in. The Amber series started in the 70s, so the style of the day is quite jarring, and the slang doesn't carry well 40 years later (not to self, never use modern euphemisms!) but the ideas are very interesting. There's something about it, maybe the color-coding, that reminds me of the Piers Anthony Adept series, which I highly recommend. I loved the first three books of that series. The second trilogy...well, if you can't say something nice, right? The grid from that series was awesome. I wish there was a real game tournament like that.

One thing I've noticed about the newer fantasy is it seems to be more religious than it used to be, Everyone is always fighting gods, becoming gods or serving gods. In the older books I read, religion was painted in vague strokes (the evil Emperor served an evil goddess who was mentioned maybe twice) or left out at all. It was straight individual vs. evil empire.

I wonder if the inclusion of religion and religious extremism is merely the inevitable deepening/broadening of the genre (if you think about it, the fantasy novel is still quite young, depending on whether you include folktales like Gilgamesh or gothic horror stories like Frankenstein, which is usually categorized as sf yet have a lot of the tropes of the fantasy genre) or a reaction to political events. The great fathers and mothers of the genre were writing at a time when two empire battled off on exotic battlefields all across the world. Now that religious extremism has replaced the cold war threat for a lot of people, is it surprising that that theme is reflecting in books? Perhaps even subconsciously? It isn't surprising that they sell well if they touch that nerve in the general conscious--or maybe it is if people are looking to escape from real life, not read reflections of it. Perhaps the inclusion of more religious authors into the mainstream, who learned their techniques from religious men like David Farland, Orson Scott Card and now Brandon Sanderson?

It's something to think about. It's entirely possible that its merely I've noticed it more, and nothing has changed a bit. While I think high literature is overanalyzed, I'd like to see someone monitoring the trends of sf and fantasy to see if there's truly been a change.

One book I saw but didn't pick up at the bookstore was And Another Thing..., which is the sixth book in the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy "Triology." I got nervous just because Douglas Adams is one of a kind.

I was also surprised that this book flew in so quietly. The radar didn't even exist here. Given the Hitchhiker's phenomenon, I was surprised that the book (which came out in October) wasn't even turned facing the front at my book store. Where were all the outraged fans talking about how this new author was no Douglas Adams? Arguing on the forums that lightning could not possibly strike twice? Heck, even the wikipedia page for the book hasn't been updated since before its release. It's by the same author who did the Artemis Fowl books. I wish they had picked a different title. I guess it's good they go right up front and admit that it's different, but still...

You'd think with a bestselling author writing another best-selling author's series, there would be more hoopla surrounding the release. Well, quiet or not, it's worth knowing about. I'll probably try to pick this one up at the library before I read it. But the reviews on the Guardian and on various blogs are good. Amazon reviews seem impressively split. It always makes me laugh and roll my eyes when I see reviewers give books one star even though they say they liked it and found it an enjoyable read.

Or better yet:

"I find it very strange and annoying that while Douglas Adams was a great fan of technology and gadgets, yet, a new book based on his series isn't on the Kindle. You are missing a huge chunk of hitchhiker fans!! So I haven't actually read it yet, my rating is based on the fact that it isn't available on my medium of choice."

Sigh. Silly reviewers. Stars are for...well, people who can review things. Loaded gun, meet monkeys.

PS: The Ender's anthology my thing in arrived today. I haven't got the courage to open it.

The e-book for Robert Jordan's Great Hunt re-release is pretty awesome. I love the trollocs and the aura of menace.

I hate to see such beautiful covers on an e-book. I want to see them in the store!

You can see a series showing the stages of the painting's progressions here. My only complaint is that I'd like to see Lanfear in the background.

If you haven't discovered regrEtsy yet, you definitely ought to visit it. The worst of the hand-made crafts. Definitely not work safe! Hehe. Somebody bought this...

More useful for writers is Ralan.com which rounds up many sf/f/h short story markets and ACTUALLY IS UPDATED.

The worst and weirdest Vampire Products (The article is written for Halloween, but what the heck? Why not read it to celebrate the upcoming release of New Moon in theaters?).

Tor.com has the first chapter of R. Scott Bakker's new book up. Neuropath, like his Second Apocalypse books, has graphic sex, profanities and uh...sex education/incest jokes? Not to mention it breaks the cardinal rule of not beginning a book with a character waking up... But because he's Bakker, he can get away with it. You can see his philosophy background really jump out, which is cool.

I like his fantasy genre stuff better, but good writing is good writing. How can you not love lines like: "Mia’s real name was Emilio, but everyone called him Mia, either because his last name was Farrow, or because of his days as a drag queen."

Awesome.

Anyway...I signed up for a second online critique group because I wanted some fresh eyes for my book. I think seeing a draft prejudices people and so they may not see things sometimes. Still keep up with the old writing group, just juggling both, because I'm just that awesome. I haven't made much progress on the book since last update. I'm stuck trying to deal with some chronology and writing a chase scene. Chase scenes are soooo difficult to write. I'd rather write a sex scene, and those aren't my forte either. I'm good at graphic violence :)

Which is funny because I don't see my writing as graphic at all...I guess my exposure to my good friend's horror movies, too much Japanese anime and my George R.R. Martin have disabled my "this is too much" radar. Anyone remember when Cartoon Network censored the blood out of Gundam Wing...because heaven forbid cartoon characters get a scalp wound? And you couldn't say "kill you," you had to say "destroy you?" I think that kind of hiding glamorizes violence, sweeps under the rug the consequences of the fight.

Then again, I was probably the only one cheering when the Ashaman began exploding men like melons going yeah, bring on the gore.

I guess I feel like the only violence that seems to grab people's attention is violence that goes a step too far, and that's how I make things horrible and real in my books. Or try to. I think fantasy violence is often too clean, too heroic. And it could be subconscious on my part. I didn't realize that this book was going to have a moral of anti-violence until I read it, but gore compared to the beauty and life of the yei... of course it's going to look too didactic, though. I didn't mean it that way, and I'm not sure I even believe in that message since violence is often necessary, but you write what your subconscious puts out. I also realized that my obsession with eyes in this book--lost eyes, creatures built with no eyes, beautiful eyes, exploding eyes--could stem from an old college gender class about the male gaze. Think about it...a male god. Always watching. ALWAYS WATCHING. The creepiness abounds.

At the speed dating thing, I saw someone with the most phenomenal brown eyes. For a moment, when I looked at him, I was rendered completely speechless. I almost told him he should be an eye model. It was as if someone had taken a brown eye in photo-shop and juiced the colors up really high. Like dark, liquid ochre. He didn't particularly interest me in any other way, but those were fantastic eyes.

Anyway, one thing I've noticed is that, while before I was always able to take my critiques in good spirits, lately I've been tempted to fight back. My motto going into groups has always been, "if my manuscript can't speak for itself, there's no reason for me to defend it" but for some reason, my work lately has been different. I want to cradle it to my chest like a baby to protect from the harsh, evil world.

NO! NO! BAD IMPULSE! BAD!

Must look at things objectively. I want to improve my child, not protect it, since it has no feelings. Manuscripts are sociopaths. No feelings! They drain souls!

Weird mood. Sorry.

I suspect the overwhelmingly positive reviews I got from Dave Farland's book camp went to my head and have now made me unsufferably arrogant. Or, because I am exceptionally worried about the ending and that worry makes me snappish and overprotective.

I'm hoping this fear is just the regular author's so-tired-of-this-stupid-thing-misery and not this book really is trash, plot-wise. If it is, hopefully one of my critique groups will help me fix it.

I felt better about the end when I added some more foreshadowing. Of course, now I'm worried it's less foreshadowing and more fore-hitting-my-readers-with-a-ton-of-red-bricks...

I'm mainly worried about betraying my implicit promise to my reader. What the heck is my book promising? Darned if I know.

I've been busy playing catch-up on some blogs I've fallen behind on lately. Here's some old entries that I feel are of note. I think most of these are links from Nathan Bransford's round-up, so give him the credit.

The Rejectionist blog held a contest for writing the funniest form rejection. The winners are here. Let the musical zombies of awesome be heard.

A comprehensive study of the price wars by Nathan Bransford, who explains why some people feel cheap books are be a bad thing, especially for new authors and independent booksellers. Well, we'll see how it all plays out. There have been book sales before without the world ending.

Publisher's Weekly decides that they don't need to wait for December to announce the best books of 2009.

Author Natalie Whipple offers tips for finishing that horrifying first draft.

Likewise, Janet Reid offers advice for the equally terrifying query letter.

And screenwriter Johny August offers seven things he learned from playing World of Warcraft.

WRITING PROMPT #10

TITLE: The Wall Fell
GENRE: Any
TYPE: Setting

Twenty years ago, the Berlin Wall fell.

There is power in stories about separation. Because though people fear death and pain, they also fear being seperated from their loved ones and their families. I've always been amazed when I watch shows like Survivor how intense the reunions with the contestants are with their families. I mean, they've only been separated a month, and yet they sob like children lost in a mall. Part of that, I suspect, is the reality television head space, but there's more to it, I think. I've always been a person of solitude, so I doubt I'd react that way. I am more comfortable on my own than with other people. But who knows?

Think about cultures. Alien cultures in sci-fi and fantasy literature usually have great distinctions, because they are "planets of hats," with just enough definition to make them alien and strange, or very familiar. A planet full of Nazis or communists or warriors. To some extent, this is just because of the limitations of form--hard to paint every culture in broad strokes with only a few pages of description. After all--it's not as if we need to know that the fierce blue-painted warriors are also advanced connoisseurs of escargot. That gets sidelined by the plot, for good reason.

But the strange thing is, often there's no such thing as "culture creep." Planets are divided by space and nations in the fantasy world are divided by distance and travel methods, so there may be some explanation, but usually there are similarities between different peoples, even those who hate each other. Loan words in the enemy's language, similarities in government, etc.

I want you to think about whatever speculative cultures you're working on. What stops culture creep? What stops cross-pollination and acts as a wall between your peoples? Is it a desire for purity? Governmental restrictions? Are there cracks in those walls, people while relish the culture of their enemies at the risk of being labeled traitor? Nobles, especially conquering ones, often have a separate culture than their subjects. What are the walls that keep them apart? I read once a book where the theory was that people are defined not by who they are but by who they are not. I am not a popular girl. I am not athletically gifted. I am not one of those contemptible fools that surrounds me. Their sense of what they are not is stronger than their sense of what they are.

Is there any way you can play on the separation anxiety of your hero? Most stories involve journeys, both physical and internal. What walls stand between your hero and his people? What makes him an outcast? Can he break through those walls?

If you don't quite understand what I'm getting at--I certainly don't, I tend to ramble when I get philosophical--do this instead. Create a culture separated by a wall. Who built it? Why? Do the two peoples want to reunite or stay apart? Why? What will be the consequences if the wall comes down. Despite the jubilation when the Berlin Wall fell, I bet it also caused thousands of personal conflicts as people reunited and found their expectations shattered. Who does the wall falling hurt? Who does it help?

Get writing.

Ah...the wonderful world of speed dating. I went today and found it doesn't work for me. I need to spend more than three minutes with a person to discover if there's any connection, unless there are supermodels there, and then its love at first sight. But I did find out about a new local board gaming club, yah!

One of the Storm Leaders over at Dragonmount asked Brandon about what books he read and liked, and since the theme of the week seems to be book recommendations, I thought I'd post them here. Red indicate ones I've read and liked too. Rothfuss is one of the books I bought on my orange and black binge. Strangely, one of the guys I met speeding is Brandon's next door neighbor, which is an odd coincidence...

• Patrick Rothfuss: The Name of the Wind (Sanderson must have sold several copies of Rothfuss’s book last night. He practically ordered one guy to take his signed Gathering Storm, walk downstairs, and buy Name of the Wind off the shelf before leaving the store.)
• Barbara Hambly: Dragonsbane
• Jane Yolen: The Pit Dragon Trilogy
• Melanie Rawn: Dragon Prince (he once set this one on fire, surreptitiously reading it by candlelight after his mom had turned out the lights and sent him to bed.)
• Terry Pratchett: recommends starting with Guards! Guards!
• Vernor Vinge: A Fire Upon the Deep
• Jim Butcher: The Dresden Files
• Robin Hobb: various trilogies, including the Farseer and Tawny Man Trilogies
• Stephen Brust
• Adam Rex

Godsplay revision is 30,000 words away from being done, and counting... I'm going slowly, trying to maximize the impact of the climax. It's hard to tell if I'm pulling it off or not. That's what writing groups are for, right?

Here's another book cover I like. Though there are parts of it I don't like (the font is too Harry Potter), I like the expression of the king, the eyes looking right at you, and the ravens/blackbirds/whatever, which add a little element of action to the scene. It would catch my attention, even though it's Y.A. I also like the wallpaper border--for some reason, it works for me, though it would work even better for me if it were celtic knotwork.

"Aspar White smelled murder. Its scent was like a handful of autumn leaves, crisped by the first frost and crushed in the palm.

Dirty Jesp, the Sefry woman who had raised him, told him once that his perculiar sense came from having been born of a dying mother below the gallows where the Raver took his sacrifices. But Dirty Jesp made her living as a liar...."

Where did the mysterious colonists who vanished from Roanoke go?

They were kidnapped by monsters, of course, and taken as slaves to a land of dark magic!

That has nothing to do with these books. Or not much, anyway. It's just fun to know because you can see some of the languages evolved from corrupted English. There are enough little easter eggs in these books to keep a reader engaged...it took me an embarrassing long time to realize that the word "d'Ef" is, well...

Greg Keyes' series, called "The Kingdoms of Thorn and Bone" is definitely a winner and one of the most underappreciated sagas in the fantasy genre. At the end of the age of men, a small group of heroes is fighting to save the land from the unnatural evil looming. I got into this series a few years ago, but added two more books to my collection during the orange and black buy-fest. This is one of those sets of books that makes young writers groan, because there is no way you could ever replicate such wonderful prose.

Then you sigh and remember that Keyes has been writing professionally for much longer than you have, and the voice saying "I wish I could write like that" is quickly drowned out by all the wonderfulness of these books. They hit all the right old notes--buxom barmaids, snarky princesses, rapscallion fighters, and knights with big ass swords--with enough new twists to keep you interested. Monks with ninja-like powers! How awesome is THAT? Not to mention six-nippled albino gypsy people...

Besides a hefty helping of palace intrigues and a viewpoint character fatality rate reminiscent of George R.R. Martin, Keyes also does some wonderfully inventive things with religion. Now, I'm re-reading the series from scratch at the moment and my memory's a little patchy, but I believe I'm accurate in saying that the church has been calling the local spirits into "Saints" -- just like the Christian church of medieval Europe did in places like Ireland. By folding the local deities into their religion, they make it more easy for the locals to convert.

In this stories' case, if you walk through their sacred places, you get mad magical powers. Of course, each walk requires strength, and not all Saints are good...

Besides memorable characters, wonderful description, realistic languages (heroes actually have bad grammar and syntax errors when they switch tongues) and interesting religions, Keyes also plays with contrasts in weapons and culture. For example, one of the fighters is trained with a rapier, which works, although not always very well, against men with plate mail and cleavers.

Another wonderful part about this series is that it is done. No waiting for books. Just grab and go.

I've read all but the last book, the Born Queen, so I can't say whether the series' end is as good as its beginning, but these are books you won't regret buying, in my opinion--it's even available in e-book form. This is a sophisticated fantasy. As delicious as it gets.

My only complaint is that every chapter ends with a cliff-hanger, which, occasionally, can seem a bit forced. But it's a small flaw compared with so much goodness packed into these pages.

I had to add this snippet from the Briar King, too, just because I love characters bantering with each other and the reference to Gimli/Legolas.

" 'I killed a hundred, before the gate,' Thaniel asserted.
" 'I killed a hundred and five,' Carsek replied.
" 'You can't count to a hundred and five,' Thaniel retorted.
" 'Aye, I can. It's how many times I've had your sister.'
" 'Well,' Thaniel mused, 'then my sister had to have been counting for you. I know that after two hands and two feet, I had to start counting for your mother.'
" At that, both men paused.
" 'We are very funny men, aren't we?' Carsek grunted.
" 'We are men,' Thaniel said, more soberly. 'And alive, and free. And that is enough.'"

Oops: I forgot to add my Halloween picture. I was an Avant Garde French fairy for Halloween, complete with beret and all.

Look at all the cuteness that's still single. Bah!

A new reader to Jenn's World (welcome!) pointed out a pretty good example of U.S. v. U.K. cover art. I've mentioned this a couple of times--they're so often completely different.

This is one example of where the U.K. cover kicks our collective butts. To the left is Final Empire, the first book in Brandon Sanderson's Mistborn series.

Honestly, this cover is so awesome, I'm thinking about ordering it from the U.K. (along with my missing Janny Wurts book...curse you U.S. publishers!)

While I like some of the hardcover art from the U.S. release of Mistborn, but the paperbook art...ick. I saw it and literally said: "That cover must be from a Buffy the Vampire spinoff novel."

Because that's what it looks like. Honestly.

Anyway, I now reference what must be one of my favorite author poems about the horribleness of their covers. Coincidentally, it is not only the best, but the only one I've found...

There's a bimbo on the cover of my book
There's a bimbo on the cover of my book
She is blonde and she is sexy, she
Is nowhere in the text, she
Is the bimbo on the cover of my book

— Mike Flynn

(Have I posted that one already? If I have...suck it up)

Normally, or rather sometimes when I'm not buried in my own book (Godsplay) revising it, I do a Monday writing prompt. I missed that this week due to the signing party for the Gathering Storm (awesome! Buy it! Read it!) so I'll do one now.

WRITING PROMPT #8

TITLE: Cover it
GENRE: Any
TYPE: Description

Pick a story, any story, any genre: and describe the WORST cover imaginable that would be possibly created for it. And then describe the author's horror when he opens the box. 100 words or so. Post it in comments or keep it to yourself and snicker.

M example: J.R.R. Tolkein/Fellowship of the rings: A line of blonde, nubile elven dancers form a congo line with Tom Bombadil (complete with yellow hat/coat) and the Barrow Wights on top of the Prancing Pony's bar. Yes, Arwen (who looks like Pamela Anderson) is hanging from the ceiling in a cage.