Posted by Unrepentant Escapist

December 17, 2011

Ugh. What a semester. In the past two weeks, I have completed three twenty-page papers and one eleven page paper and done four finals, which included two take-home exams (one of which ended up being twenty pages long) and two in-class (one of which had eighty questions). I don't think I've ever worked so hard or learned so much in a scant few months. On the other hand, I've never tried so hard only to fail either. I failed my data analysis final. I wasn't the only one--two other people (about a quarter of the class) got Fs or D-s. Which tells you something about the class, when three grad students can't pass the test and no one gets an A. The highest anyone scored on the final was a B-. It's possible I won't fail, if the teacher has mercy and moves us all up twenty points.

I don't know how everyone else in my program held up through finals week. Maybe because they're younger, maybe they're more driven and willing to sacrifice to meet their goal while I'm jaded and cynical. But I want to cry. I gave up so much writing time and potential opportunity only to fail and probably have to take a course again. I think this is the first time in my life where I've actually tried so hard to learn something but apparently been incapable of learning it. I'm used to being smart but this stuff just seems to be over my head, I guess.

I may drop out instead of trying again. Or I may try a program that doesn't demand I spend 30 hours a week on homework.

Oh well, I'm taking my cousin to a book signing with Brandon Sanderson tomorrow. Hopefully that will cheer me up.


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