Mouse Me!

Posted by Unrepentant Escapist

March 17, 2011 -- 4:04 a.m.

So I was watching Nostalgia Critic and found out there's a mouse named after me in Secret of Nymh 2. Jenny McBride, the mouse.

Weird. It would be more awesome if the movie looked better.

This has happened to me before. For instance, the local a capella singers once did a stage group where they staged a fake date with one "Jennifer McBride" who was one of their members doing a drag thing. It was a little surreal.

Of course, the Nymh mouse is not nearly so cool as Neil Gaiman as a...well, I'm not sure what he's supposed to be.




'Neil Gaiman, what are you doing on my falafel!' has been my catchphrase since I accidentally stumbled onto this episode when I was too lazy to turn the channel after watching Red Dwarf reruns. (Why does my local PBS affiliates run Sesame Street/Arthur at midnight anyway? Bit past the kid's bedtimes, one would think.)

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Weird Walk

Posted by Unrepentant Escapist

August 10, 2010 -- 1:30 a.m.

I have found the secret to getting agents to ask for partials: Go on vacation. If you are in a place where you cannot access your novel, badda-bing, the requests come in.

I dreamed last night I enrolled in a school of ninjas. I fought evil. It was awesome.

I had a weird experience I thought I would write down. I was walking up from the MAX (Portland's metro) to the house of the friend I'm staying with and I managed to get completely turned around. I wasn't thinking about my surroundings because a) of above partial request b) I don't have any sense of direction. By the time I figured out I was lost, I saw a familiar landmark and thought I knew the direction I should go in. Only then it turned out I didn't and, in trying to get out, I landed smack dab in the middle of a set of gated communities and couldn't get out.

Anyone who knows me knows I'll do this. I get lost walking across a street. Ask me how many debate rounds I missed because I got lost. Actually don't ask, because it's happened so often, I stopped keeping track.

It's after midnight. I've walked two miles. I'm a little annoyed at myself, but not particularly worried. Every street I go down ends in another frickin gated community. I go toward an apartment complex downhill figuring the apartments will open out onto a main road and I can find my way back to the MAX station and try again. Unfortunately, there are some twenty buildings, and I pick the wrong direction and find myself wandering from stairwell to stairwell staring up at six-story complexes.

My cell phone got no reception up there, but I managed to find a few bars in the middle of a park, with the sprinklers attacking me full blast. I call my friend, but the reception gives out, though not before my friend gives me a general idea that I should go downhill.

Anyway, I find some girls out on the porch of their apartment and ask for directions. They cannot believe I walked up the hill. It's just a hill, but they make it sound like Mount Everest. They are freaked out and certain I am on drugs. They offer to let me call my friend but my phone has reception again so I do it myself. He's got mapquest up and can give me directions, all I need is the address and a point out of the complex.

Except they cannot believe that I can walk my way home alone in the dark. They are certain that muggers are going to find me and get me. I roll my eyes and point to the fact we're surrounded by mini-mansions and there are like two streetlamps to every house. This isn't downtown Portland. This is suburbia central. How many muggers would be waiting to jump out at pedestrians at midnight on a Monday anyway? Those would be some pretty bored muggers, since I hadn't seen a single pedestrian for an hour. No victims = no muggers.

The kicker--the women don't know their own address OR how to use mapquest. Who lives in that kind of neighborhood and doesn't know how to use mapquest? She kept saying my address was turning up the map to Arizona but that was because her DEFAULT STARTING LOCATION was in Arizona and she didn't know she needed to change it. She thought it was because the address I'd given her was a lie and I was casing her apartment for a burglary or something.

Anyway, they eventually talked my friend into coming out to get me, which I feel horrible about because it's midnight and seriously, I can walk fine, I just need to know where to walk, but he is very nice and comes and the girls wait with me to make sure I'm not kidnapped by all the horrible muggers out on the streets.

It was very strange because they kept asking me my age, if I was sober and "why did you walk up that hill" -- repeating the same questions five or six times. I wonder why they thought my answer would be different, if the fifth time I would say, "Ooh, your clever tactic of asking the same question over and over again has led me to confess that I'm actually on heroin!"

I tried explaining that I knew my friends lived on a hill so I walked up the hill thinking it was the right hill but that seemed an unsatisfactory answer. At least one of the girls was mentally challenged, I believe. She took the book I was carrying from me (Janny Wurts' Traitor's Knot) and started reading it aloud. It was very strange. I felt like I had wandered into a Kafka book. The girl told me I'd inspired her to read Tale of Two Cities.

It turned out I was on the wrong hill--the one next to it was the right one. So all it took to get back to where I should have been was a five minute drive, and probably a fifteen minute walk. I should be grateful that the women were trying to look after me, but I was left feeling bemused. The whole time, they were so afraid of me. Only one of them would talk to me at first. The rest dashed inside their apartment, beset with terror. Of a 5' 4", 120 pound girl who has arms like spaghetti noodles. I suppose I could have been packing a gun. They mentioned some kind of security at the apartment, though I didn't see any.

It's good to know that I'm not the worst victim of suburbanite's terror out there. I am grateful to them for their help. It took bravery to overcome their fear of me, even if it was...somewhat misplaced.

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Prompt: Puzzled

Posted by Unrepentant Escapist

June 7, 2010 -- 4:19 p.m.

I enjoyed my trip to the sand dunes with my family. I wish we could do something as fun every week. I think I'll be picking sand out of my shoes for the next decade.

So I just finished Da Vinci Code, which I had never read before. I read it so I could see what the fuss was all about. Spoilers abound in the post because, you know, it's like...old news.

I wasn't a fan. I'm glad the book brought more people to the bookstore than who normally would come, but I didn't like it. It was a little slow for a thriller. Give me the short, soft stylings of Lee Child any day of the week. That man can do more with the phrase "he said nothing" than any other author can do with a paragraph of emotive description (including myself.)

However, I'm not going to criticize it, because writers living in glass houses shouldn't throw stones, and you can't really argue with success.

Other authors have used "the right blood" concept, even if I haven't seen it linked with the holy grail except in fringe literature. It seems odd that the "importance of blood" fantasy trope occasionally migrates over to popular literature. Another book I read that involved blood had a quest to find a descendant of Hitler. Then they found his little granddaughter, who was about 8 or so, and the heroine shot her on sight because she had Hitler's charisma. And the hero was absolutely okay with murdering a child because she had the same blood as her father. I may be wrong about the age, but even if she was a young adult, she still hadn't done anything yet. I think she was in the middle of saying how evil her grandfather was when the heroine shot her, too.

My attempts to figure out what that book's name was led me to all sorts of interesting information, including a web site that says Angela Merkel is Hitler's daughter via artificial insemination. The evidence: A doctor of Hilter's was allegedly carrying around a vial of his sperm around Eastern Germany about the time Angela Merkel was conceived. Also, they share the same birthday.

Wow, who knew I was Jesse Jackson's illegitimate daughter? After all, we were both born on Oct. 8.

I wonder sometimes why people demonize politicians with really ridiculous arguments when ordinary arguments will do. I remember receiving all sorts of crack email during the last presidential election telling me Obama was the anti-Christ signalling the end of days. Well, I'm still waiting for that apocalypse.

Did I ever tell you I saw a PBS special on the 2012 Aztec calendar thing, and one professor talked about email he had received from a mother asking if she should poison her children in 2011 so they wouldn't have to suffer it? WHY ARE PEOPLE SO INSANE!

But back to the Da Vinci Code: I was amused that, when the book won a plagerism settlement, the judge added codes to his opinion. I'm not sure an American judge would have gotten away with being that flippant. Unless they're Scalia. His dissents are so fun to read, even if I rarely agree with them.

What can writers learn from Da Vinci Code's popularity:

• I did admire Dan Brown's penchant for research, even if not all of it was accurate. The way he planted enough facts that sounded plausible in the beginning of the book made the later leaps of logic feel more solid.

• He placed strategic hooks to draw readers on. He had a mystery pulling at the reader in every chapter, and he added another layer on it every time. If I wasn't always absolutely enthralled, I could at least see that it was meant to be enthralling. Red herrings also abounded. I was absolutely sure the French inspector dude was "the teacher."

• Any press is good press. The controversy surrounding it probably spiked interest in the book. I was amused when I read the Catholic web site debunking the Da Vinci Code because it says, "Its publisher, Doubleday, released it with much fanfare in March 2003 and heavily promoted it. As a result, it debuted at #1 on the New York Times bestseller list and has remained on it since..." Which implies readers had nothing to do with its popularity. I bet publishers wish they had the power to create a Da Vinci Code level seller with every book. But the publicity surrounding it, both at its launch and later, did, undoubtedly, help.

• Sometimes an unusual theme or wacky theory can be really powerful, if it makes good watercooler chat. I often think that it's very difficult to create a completely original work because at least one person has done anything you ever tried to do already. Well, I have never seen a thriller based around the descendents of Christ, holy grail and goddess-worship symbology before. I would never have expected to see those elements in a best-selling book. I'm not sure picking a loony, delicious gossip-worthy theory and structuring a book around it could actually work again, but who knows?

But the bottom line is this: people like puzzles. The same people who do the cryptograms, crosswords and sudokus in the newspaper read a lot of books. If your book doesn't have a good element of mystery in it, you're missing out on a chance to entrance the reader. Every time you can add a puzzle--even if it's something small, like the evil character's motivation--you make it that much harder to put your book down.

WRITING PROMPT #15
Title: Puzzled
Genre: None
Type: Whatever

Pick an element: character, setting, world-building detail, plot, etc. and add a puzzle. It can be anything--a puzzle about a character's true identity. A word anagram that will give away the final location of that magical McGuffin. A cryptic sentence left in a mad scientist's diary. The bad guy's motivation. See if you can withhold something until the end, and drop enough clues to leave the reader guessing and hungry for more.

What makes an interesting puzzle to you? Do you like word games? Number mazes? Whatever you do like, see if you can combine it with some other element in your book to make a good mystery. Little or big, both can be useful.

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Boobquake

Posted by Unrepentant Escapist

April 26, 2010 -- 3:17 p.m.

"Just a few hours into Boobquake day, in which lady activist-of-sorts Jennifer McCreight called upon women all over the world to wear revealing tops to refute the claim of an Iranian imam that promiscuity causes earthquakes, a 6.9 magnitude earthquake has hit Taiwan."

--From the National Post, via the New Yorker.

The background is: According to a Muslim fundamentalist, women's revealing clothing causes earthquakes and a bunch of women decided to show their clevage today to refute the statement.

While I don't deny the power of a good set of women's clevage, I figured this was a dumb idea because there are lots of earthquakes. Just because you don't hear about them or they aren't high magnitude doesn't mean they exist. For example, the U.S. Geological Service says there were 17,292 earthquakes last year. That's what, about 47 a day? And that was a slow year. We've had 4,896 in 2010, and it's only April.

Moral of the story: Think about your experiment before you do it, or risk confirming some looney guys' theory.

Besides, everyone knows that earthquakes are caused by the gays. (I'm joking!)

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Posted by Unrepentant Escapist

April 24, 2010 -- 12:38 a.m.

I'm working on reading the Hugo nominated short stories. They're available for free online here.

Bridesicle sounded the most interesting, and the most creepy, so I read it. It's amazing in a really disgusting way. Definitely worth reading.

I'm glad it had a happy ending. And it makes me hope they NEVER invent the ability to freeze people.

Speaking of cryogenetics, if you're not a "This American Life" fan...WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU? If you are, go listen to this episode. Some things are too amazing to be fiction.

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Me Want...

Posted by Unrepentant Escapist

April 21, 2010 -- 7:30 a.m.

I so would wear this.

My younger brothers fail to appreciate the awesomeness of Spiderpig. I think they just don't understand how epic it is.

Maybe they fail to understand the epicness of the Simpsons in general. For me, even though some more recent cartoons have surpassed them in humor (only to go down into their own abyss of repetition *cough* Family Guy), they all owe a huge debt to Homer, Marge, Bart, Lisa and Maggie. And unlike the more recent adult cartoons, the Simpsons had heart. It was about people who, more often than not, were trying to do their best only to have things go horribly wrong. The best Simpsons episodes weren't focussed around guest stars and gimics, but around the relationships of a family that wasn't too different from our own.

That's while I'll always be a Simpsons fan, even if some episodes/entire seasons make me wince and reach for the shark repellent...

In other animation news, I finally went to see Avatar. I was pleased by the animation and all the little touches that went into the story. The technology was wonderful, the scenary breathtaking. While nothing new on the story front--white man goes and becomes truest member of native culture--there were enough little twists to keep this interesting. Like the evil corporate dude was reluctant to commit a massacre and the main character started things in a wheelchair. I don't think Avatar will become the classic Star Wars is, just because there wasn't enough groundbreaking, either in terms of idea or plot. But for what it is, it's the best. Enough little flourishes and details that I could tell everything came out of love, and I'd put it at the very top of the "nature-worship" genre, which in general bugs me because it because it's so didatic. Nature = good. Technology = bad.

There is some irony, of course, given the high involvement of technology in this film.

Speaking of Spiderman, there's also supposedly a Spiderman Broadway muscial in the works. From comics to movies to Broadway. Weird.

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Superman Sex

Posted by Unrepentant Escapist

March 6, 2010--1:34 a.m.

You know you should go to bed when you find yourself reading Larry Niven's squicky, hilarious explanation of why Superman and Lois Lane could never actually physically have sex and you have an urge to write a story about an army of bullet-proof sperm taking over the world.

It's quite graphic. Be warned.

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Ladies' Night

Posted by Unrepentant Escapist

February 24, 2010 -- 8:03 p.m.

Glad to see such stellar performances from the women last night. Of course, the ladies' competition is almost boring because the favorite is so strong, its' unlikely anyone will give her any kind of run for her money.

I love Yu-Na Kim's short program. I was happy Mao Asada skated so well, since she's had problems this year. I don't know what they were talking about when they said Yu-Na's draw order was bad. As a competitor, nothing drowns out the nerves like seeing your arch-rival excel. It lifts you up, gives you something to concentrate on the fact that a whole bunch of people are staring at you and do you have parsley stuck between your teeth?

Or maybe that's just me.

Speaking of draw order--what the heck was up with the ice dancing finals? It takes all the tension out of it when you have the leaders go before the end. I don't know why they aren't just doing it in reverse-rank order.

Anyway, one skater I wished would do better is Akiko Suzuki. She's actually my favorite Japanese woman on the ice. She skates with such beauty and musicality. I was sad to see her not do as good as I know she can.

My heart broke for Joannie Rochette. I can't imagine how hard that must be to have all the media attention on you at the same time you lose your mother. She handles it with grace. She is such a sentimental favorite, I hope she medals. The U.S. girls probably won't be able to crack the top three, but I can hardly blame them with such strong competition. At least, hopefully, they'll be able to claim high spots so next year we can send more girls. Only have two present is annoying.

I was confused by the fact the network didn't show Russian skater Anna Leonova last night, who has an adorable spunk and a great short program. She landed in 8th.

I'm also mystified to hear the announcers call things "controversies" that really aren't. Like the U.S. silver medalist not taking first at the U.S. championship. That wasn't a controversy. Protesting a bobsledder's helmet ridges as illegal is a controversy. Protesting an offensive aboriginal dance is a controversy. Pluschenko's website labelling one of his metals a "platiunum metal" is a controversy. A judging decision that seemed surprising is not a controversy, unless it involves bribery. It's merely a surprise. Anyway, I've heard the announcer use mis-word the word two or three times. Every time she does, I want to whack her with a dictionary.

Speaking of mystifying, a skater from Israel qualified for the olympics but her country didn't allow her to skate. Why? Because she didn't place in the top 14 at Europeans. Apparently, Israel only wants to send athletes to the olympics who have a shot at the top.

One wonders how they're supposed to climb to the top if they don't get all the international experience they can get, if they don't get the olympic exposure that might allow them to pick up more sponsors, and might draw new Israeli skaters to the sport because little kids look up at the tv and say 'I want to do that.'...

Here's the NYT article about Israel's choice. There is just a missing piece here that I don't understand. I feel sorry for her...all that work, that sacrifice, and your own government kicks you in the head.

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New Weird Dream, or Chocolate is better than fake Jesus

Posted by Unrepentant Escapist

October 24, 2009 -- 1:06 p.m.

Okay, this is the last time I listen to Writing Excuses before bed.

I'm at the Gathering Storm signing, and fan reaction makes Brandon Sanderson go off in a huff. All the Storm Leaders come with him, only suddenly, I'm dragged down into one of his books. All Pagemaster like.

Anyway, it turns out I'm a Princess in a land that's just been visited by Jesus. Only his twelve disciples assassinate him and use Judas Escariot as a scapegoat. Then they set up a strict religious theocracy in his name, ala Oliver Cromwell at his most puritan. I, being the rightful ruler of the land and a spoiled princess, got annoyed and didn't watch me tongue, because I'd never had to watch it before with the result that they went after me to collect my head. Oh, and also because I had accidentally killed one of them and had tried to hide my deed by chopping him up and throwing him in a garbage bag. I also locked one in a suitcase, but that was intentional.

I escaped the mildly pissed off priests through a dimensional portal and had many adventures, including a land of computer oompa-loompas and one where I became Sonic the Hedgehog, rolling through cities in the sky, etc. And one land made entirely of chocolate. I also had a battery-powered watch that gave me 30 minutes of super strength before its battery went out. Of course, I wasted three of those minutes figuring out how far I could chuck stones and yelling "Whoa, how cool is that?"

I accidentally ended up looping around to the place I had begun, my own world, where I was immediately caught by the clergy. However, when they took me up on a platform before the crowd of the world to execute me, they didn't chain me up or anything, "because I was just a wimpy girl." So I ran to the chocolate world portal and started grabbing candy and distributing it among the people.

Because chocolate had been outlawed on my world, no one had ever tasted it. They decided that chocolate was better than fake Jesus, so rose up against their oppressors and elected me queen.

There's a children's story in there, if you take out all the pieces of clergy in garbage bags, the blatant copyright infringements, and the executions.

Sometimes I can't sleep because my mind gets so full of ideas. Lately, ,my brain has been putting out big bursts of creativity, desperately trying to find something else to interest me so I'll stop making it slog through pages and pages of revision. If I had one wish, it would be that I could take the stories in my head and "magic" them onto a page, so there'd be no need for revision, no grammatical errors and no wasted ideas that have to go in the idea bin because I have no time to write them. Or no talent.

In this case, I have a wonderful first two lines for a humorous epic fantasy, ala Terry Pratchett. I'd love to write one, but while I can be funny in spurts, I don't think I could manage it through the whole book.

Here are the lines:

"Precisely three days, two minutes and forty-seven seconds before his highness, the King of the Entire World was going to die, a red-haired woman sat in a tree holding a bow and arrow.

"These two events had nothing to do with each other."

I only wish I knew where the rest of the story goes. Sigh. I wish people would pay me to invent the first lines of a book, because I have so many of them.

I think my new motto is going to be "chocolate is better than fake Jesus."

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Creepy Dolls, Word Counting Prologue

Posted by Unrepentant Escapist

October 24, 2009 -- 2:54 a.m

I'm word-counting a chapter a day to see what my most common words are and recording them here, for fun. The word-counter isn't 100 percent accurate and it lets you exclude words like "a" and "and". You can find the counter here.

I'm being inspired to do this because I listened to an old Writing Excuses podcast which recommends writers get rid of the word "very" while trimming their stories. It's a bad modifier, much like "awesome" in my opinion, saying something while actually conveying nothing specific to the reader. How many very's did I have, I wondered. It turns out more than I thought. While most of them were in thought bubbles or dialogue and meant to add voice, some of them were not. They mostly got snipped. I wondered, what others words have infiltrated my writing? I know I use puppet/doll metaphors a lot because dolls freak me the heck out. Don't ask me why. They're just so...creepy.

So what are my 200 most common words in the Godsplay prologue are: Cien (84), Byranon (24), one (22) -- really???--Cien's (21), Eyes (19), said (19), Elenor (17), felt (17), father's (16), father (16) -- huh, surprised they're the same--king (14), sound (14), face (14), Leirmin (14), Dead (13), didn't (13), blood (12), against (11), thought (11), hand (11), hands (10)--another weird coincidence--head (10), looked (9), lips (9), away (9), throne (9), over (9), stared (9), instead (9), back (9), death (8), red (8), ears (8), never (8), dark (8), just (8), son (8), light (7), skin (7), left (7), off (7), died (7), though (7), feet (7), forehead (7), touched (7), through (7), neck (7), long (7), library (7), couldn't (7), I'm (7), again (6), stone (6), wet (6), hair (6), brothers (6), "you (6)--quotations seem to screw up the small words excluding subroutine--fell (6), Lomari (6), trembling (6), floor (6), burned (6), time (6), feel (6), turned (6), shadows (6), around (6), greasy (6)--after I saw this, I changed one of the instances to 'slimy'. Oddly, the word greasy rarely appears in the rest of my book, just in the prologue--room (6), look (6), saw (6), still (5), knew (5), people (5), hear (5), heard (5)--another weird coincidence, or something with the program?--Almone (5), nothing (5), white (5), chancellor (5), old (5), Sa'hana (5), know (5), fingers (5), whispered (5), open (5), broken (5), knees (5), air (5), life (5), god (5), quickly (5), mouth (5), together (5), Leirmin's (5), made (5), bones (5), human (5), tried (5), help (5), thin (5), wall (4), much (4), prince (4), part (4), seeing (4), tonsure (4), son's (4), keep (4), doors (4), last (4), hit (4), somehow (4), forced (4), inside (4) --hey, somehow forced inside is almost a real phrase!--king's (4), struck (4), emperor (4), falcon (4)--usually together, so no duh--body (4), hot (4), ever (4), backward (4), want (4), touch (4), hung (4), knife (4), it's (4), pressed (4), fire (4), because (4), world (4), mother (4), baby (4), bare (4)--wonder how this thing does tie-breakers, anyway? It's not alphabetical--way (4), corridor (4), laughed (4), down (4), how (4), Sathain (4), under (4), across (4), me" (4), pain (4), end (4), without (4), Nikael's (4), scream (4), love (4)--interesting contrast--wave (4), enough (4), throat (4), words (4), voice (4), stomach (4), years (4), rapier (4), lay (4), serve (3), going (3), seen (3), shouted (3), begged (3), flesh (3), beauty (3), dry (3), gone (3), ceremony (3), probably (3), come (3), rose (3), dance (3), remembered (3), next (3), arms (3), same (3), monsters (3), burning (3), shoulders (3), green (3), "do (3), sickly (3), power (3), land" (3), "Cien" (3), taking (3), boy (3), behind (3), something (3), pulled (3), watched (3), hope (3), right (3), loved (3), soft (3), he'd (3).

Phew. Anyway, what I learned from this exercise today is that I describe a lot of body parts. And that, when I'm Cien's POV/voice at least, I use the word one a lot. And greasy...

PS: I think I figured out where some of my root hatred of Arwen came from. As a young girl, Eowyn (not sure on spelling) was my favorite character. A cross-dressing princess who kills the Lord of the Nazgul? How is that not so freaking cool! Eowyn is at the root of my childhood embrace of feminism. So I was always annoyed that she didn't end up with Aragorn. Sure, the pretty elf girl gets all the guys. What about those of us who go slogging our guts out in the blood and gore of Pelennor Fields? Huh? HUH?

Tomorrow, I give my 13-year-old cousin the Dragonlance chronicles for his birthday. Do you realize it's been 25 years since Dragons of Autumn Twilight was published (at least my paperback version, anyway)? It's quite possible that the series is too dated for him to enjoy. Fantasy has evolved so much since then, and Y.A. books too, becoming much more complicated.

Speaking of which, Tuesday is the Wheel of Time spectacular!!!! YEAH!!!

Also, I will have a post on Monday about using character to build worlds and plots.

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Geek Chic (Furniture Edition!)

Posted by Unrepentant Escapist

October 9, 2009 -- 4:58 a.m.

Too. Awesome.

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(Shudder)

Posted by Unrepentant Escapist

August 10, 2009 -- 1:34 a.m.

The ward went mini-golfing for family home evening. When I got back to the church parking lot (after dark) I found a note on my steering wheel (my window was rolled down a little too low, whoops) that said "Look in your trunk". The note was covered with greasy lip marks, apparently someone wearing chapstick had kissed the paper twice (once in the center and once as a seal). I looked at my trunk and couldn't find anything. The handwriting is a little sloppy, probably male, possibly left-handed.

Needless to say, since I found this note when I was a) alone and b) in a dark parking lot, I freaked out. I drove home at sixty miles per hour, tires screeching.

The ex denies doing it. I doubt he would lie, since I asked in a very non-judgmental way. So that means someone new.

WHY DO THESE PEOPLE ALWAYS GO TO ME!!! HONESTLY!!! IS THERE ONE A) ATTEMPTED SCHOOL-SHOOTER, B) FELON, C) HOMELESS MAN'S MOTHER, D) RAPIST E) MAFIA HITMAN WANNABE IN THE WORLD THAT HAS NOT ASKED ME OUT? SERIOUSLY. WHY CAN'T I DATE A NON-VIOLENT PERSON!

Anyway, my grandparents view it as harmlessly strange, I view it as insanely creepy and threatening. Probably because of my unique dating history.

And what was on/in my trunk? I couldn't find any notes or chocolates or flowers or anything.

So I'm a little scared and curious. If it's not the ex-, who is it? My car was behind the building, not visible, so it was likely to be somebody from our ward. Failed attempt to ask me out? Stupid prank? Who knows?

Well I hope I find out. I like mystery books, but I like finishing them too. All the odd ends wrapped up in one neat little package.

Lucky for me, I have Fred to come home too. And Fred has nice, big biceps from all his time working on motorcycles.

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Not Revision

Posted by Unrepentant Escapist

June 20, 2009 -- 2:58 a.m.

To close out the week, I'm going to actually have a blog post that doesn't involve revision in any way shape or form except that I put the final touched on my still way-too-long prologue and am more or less putting it aside. No wonder it took me five years to write that thing!

Would you be turned off by a long prologue if the writing is good? How long is too long? How much connection should it have to the ensuing story.

Re-reading my last draft, I'm disappointed at bits that seemed to get "lost" somewhere in between drafts. I swear I had elegant paragraphs of character description that somehow just vanished. Were they all in my head in the first place or did I trim them because I was concerned about length? Sigh.

The book I'm reading on Revision was published in 1989 and it's funny to read about the author advocating for the use of computers. Honestly, I'm amazed if anyone still handwrites novels. I couldn't read my own writing if I tried. Go them, I'm not denegrating styles, but wow, it'd be so hard to organize and deal with it.

Though without an attempt to hand write my novel, I'd never have invented a "Sa'hana." I was trying to handwrite a novel because I wanted to force myself to stop revising. I have this tendancy to look back and finetune when I'm afraid of moving forward, and I figured with handwriting I wouldn't dink around the whole time. So I wrote in the morning and at night while I worked on a job searching other days and decided to start out my novel with a bang--Rachell's Sa'hana. But the scene felt really overdramatic/unbelievable, even for a society used to magic, and so when I wanted to start writing it again, I shifted the scene to the grandfather. Who wouldn't have existed without the handwritten copy either when I realized that someone needed to be involved in the Sa'hana--a character who looked down on Rachell for her half-blood status but loved her anyway. I don't know if the handwriting had anything to do with it or not, but there it is.

Wish I could find that damn notebook. Not only does it have the first draft, but it also has my maps, lists of the character's ages, a historical timeline, a short glossary, and the twenty-seven runes sketched out with their meanings, along with six or seven bindings. Since I misplaced the books two moves ago, I've had to make up new names (I wonder what Cien's name was in the draft?) but I'd like to have the runes at least, rather than having to come up with them all over again.

That was more about revision than I meant to write about. What I meant to write about is: will computers replace writers, GASP!!!

Writer Beware blog did an interesting entry on a guy who's the "most published author" on Amazon with over 100,000 titles (not books) available. How does he do it? Apparently he hires a bunch of computer programmers to data search on a specific topic and put it together in a POD book. To quote the blogger, Victoria Strauss:

"Ah, but what's creative? Not romance novels, apparently. Per the New York Times article linked in above, Parker 'is laying the groundwork for romance novels generated by new algorithms. "I’ve already set it up," he said. "There are only so many body parts."' (A reductive statement that, no doubt, will infuriate romance writers everywhere.) What's next? Computer-generated SF novels with stock aliens? Algorithm-created crime dramas with hard-boiled dialog swiped from the movies? Robo-poetry to populate a hundred Poetry.coms?"

Okay, so I don't think HAL will replace fiction writers, but in some ways, movie writers in particular seem to have only artificial intelligence. How many scrapped-up remakes and hero's journey clones have you seen and thought "a computer could do that." Or my kid, a dog, can of soup, etc.

I wouldn't worry. There will always be a place for human intuition and creativity. Computers are more a threat to readership than writership. After all, how many of us will bother reading the next Ernest Hemingway where there are blogs to search and porn to download? Even a devoted bookworm like myself might prefer hopping into a virtual reality capsule.

I swear, I'll stop talking about revision next week!

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Oops

Posted by Unrepentant Escapist

May 8, 2009 -- 7:51 p.m.

So I drove 1 hour to a science fiction convention that actually takes place two weeks from today. Talented, eh?

And today I tried raw sea urchin for the first time. One of my life goals is to taste anything that any culture considers edible at least once (or at least the most exotic fare, though even I might not be able to handle "corpse fruit," which Anthony Bourdain compares with "French kissing your dead grandmother.")

Note to other sushi connoisseurs: DON'T EAT RAW SEA URCHIN. Maybe it was just the one I got, but it had the taste of salted, rotting seaweed and consistency of silly putty.

The day wasn't a total loss: I found a book on the Arabian Renaissance, which will make great reading for my novel.

Bourdain eats "corpse fruit" below.

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The List

Posted by Unrepentant Escapist

May 4, 2009 -- 6:11 a.m.

What would you take if you had 30 minutes to pack for an adventure out in fantasyland? Megan Messinger over at Tor.com ends up with an interesting list.
  • Clothes, worn in layers rather than put in the bags. Women: long skirts, hippie shirts, pea coat, boots, and something to cover our hair. Men: slacks, boots, sweaters, pea coat, a hat. Extra socks.
  • Everyone's pocket knives and Leathermans.
  • Matches and lighters. This might be the only time I’m glad that two of my roommates smoke.
  • My lame-ass keychain compass. Better than nothing, right?
  • One cast-iron pot, a couple of forks and spoons, the big kitchen knives, a mug or two.
  • Make one of the roommates run to the store for bags of lentils and chickpeas, cans of tuna, and Neosporin and bottles of multi-vitamins. One thing we assumed was that if this was to be Fantasyland* and not medieval France, there would probably be a higher standard of medical care, administered by nice men and women wearing green, so less need to hoard medication. Some things are still good to have, though; for example, I would not want to live in a world without Aleve. I might recognize a willow tree if I saw one, but aspirin has never quite done it for me.
  • On that note, tampons. I know we’d run out, but just for the adjustment phase, you know? One thing I don’t want is to be shlepping along through the underbrush in layers of clothes, slung with bags full of cast-iron pots et cetera, and have a freaking “moontime-clout” wedgie. No way.
  • All the toothbrushes and toothpaste in the apartment, so that we blend in with the Fantasyland natives, most of whom have strangely good teeth, except for beggars and old fortune-tellers.
  • Hairbrush
  • Nit comb. (Yeah, we have one. It would be just our luck to get a Fantasyland rampant with lice.)
  • Soap, which is lighter and less messy than shampoo and can also be used for hair.
  • Ziploc bags. I don’t care if they’re shockingly non-period, I want a re-sealable way to keep things dry and airtight while we’re on the road.
Best line of the blog: "I will also be wearing my fuzziest pair of pajama pants under all those skirts."

Second best: "For example, if we were going to Mercedes Lackey’s Valdemar, we’d be totally fine and probably even get to meet the Queen; if it were George R.R. Martin’s Westeros, we’d be screwed no matter what, so we might as well make merry around a campfire until we’re slaughtered by roving bandits."

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Uncomfortable plot summaries

Posted by Unrepentant Escapist

May 4, 2009 -- 5:25 a.m.


  • 25TH HOUR: White New Yorkers commit crimes against both law and ethics; feel bad for being caught, rather than for doing it at all.
  • 300: Gays kill blacks.
  • 8 MILE: White man successfully coopts black culture to impress other whites.
  • A CIVIL ACTION: Underqualified lawyer doesn’t listen to clients, royally botches case.
  • A CONFEDERACY OF DUNCES: Social deviants make life difficult for genius.
  • A CRY IN THE DARK: Dogs eat baby, confusion follows.
  • ALIEN: Ship fails to deliver cargo, crew don’t get bonus.
  • ALIENS: An unplanned pregnancy leads to complications.
  • AMADEUS: Man with health problems receives help from rival.
  • AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON: Tourist causes riot.
  • ATLAS SHRUGGED: Selfish industrialist destroys economy.
  • AUNTIE MAME: Spinster exposes child to sexual fetishists, socialists; thwarts marriage to good Republican girl.
  • BATMAN: Wealthy man assaults the mentally ill.
  • BEAUTY AND THE BEAST: Peasant girl develops Stockholm Syndrome.
  • BENJI: Family abandons beloved pet, forcing it to engage in a dangerous cross-country journey.
  • BEOWULF: Colonists hire assassin to drive natives from land.
  • BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA: Redneck trucker kills Chinese immigrants.
  • BILLY ELLIOT: Union worker turns back on strikers for personal gain.
  • BLADE: Obsessed loner stalks minority group.
  • BLADE RUNNER: Man with no apparent skill stumbles into escaped robots, fails to kill most, fucks one.
  • BLAKE’S 7: Terrorists fight government, die.
  • BOOGIE NIGHTS: Deformed boy goaded into life of crime.
  • BOTTLE ROCKET: Mentally unstable man fosters friend’s descent into mental instability, finds love.
  • BREAKFAST AT TIFFANY’S: Pretty redneck girl fools socialites, flirts with gay gigolo.
  • BREWSTER’S MILLIONS: Black man abuses line of credit.
  • BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER: Teenage serial killer destroys town in fit of semi-religious fervor.
  • CHANGE OF HABIT: Rock star regrets not looking closer at contract with movie studio.
  • CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY: Deranged pedophile big-business industrialist tortures and mutilates young children.
  • CHASING AMY: Homosexuality proved to be passing fancy and sign of sexual deviance.
  • CHEERS: Alcoholic cuts lime in bar as penance for his womanizing ways.
  • CHINATOWN: Father desires closer relationship with his children.
  • CHRISTMAS VACATION: Incestuous relatives teach family the meaning of Christmas.
  • CLERKS: Aimless loser remains in dead-end job, abusive “friendship.”
  • CLOAK AND DAGGER: Spoiled teens discover drugs make them special.
  • CONAN THE BARBARIAN: Petty thief murders religious leader.
  • CORALINE: Misfit discovers she is special person in a secret world just beside our own.
  • CRANK: Drug addict spends last day in orgy of rape and violence.
  • CUJO: Family neglects to give family pet rabies shots, pays price.
  • DAREDEVIL: Blind man pisses off crime boss, gets all his girl-friends killed.
  • DARK KNIGHT RETURNS: Aging sadist corrupts, endangers minor, facilitates murder, destroys superhero comic books for 30 years.
  • DEADWOOD: Pimp and rapist charms frontier town into eventual fire-based disaster.
  • DEBBIE DOES DALLAS: Cheerleaders develop valuable entrepreneurial skills.
  • DEEP THROAT: Medical anomaly earns woman new friends.
  • DELIVERANCE: Tourists experience local hospitality.
  • DEMOLITION MAN: In a future where crime is completely eradicated, a black man steals and murders.
  • DIE HARD: Dysfunctional cop saves marriage by murdering foreign national.
  • DIRTY HARRY: Police incompetence allows murderer to go free.
  • DOCTOR FAUSTUS: Scholar leans nuances of contract law.
  • DOCTOR WHO: Elderly man serially abducts young women.
  • DONNIE DARKO: Hallucinating teen crushed by airplane engine.
  • DRACULA: Immigrant clashes with locals.
  • E.T.: Out-of-control pet causes mayhem, sadness.
  • EVERY WHICH WAY BUT LOOSE: Part-time mechanic involves girlfriend in illegal fight club, risks life of best friend and endangered primate.
  • FALLING DOWN: Life is difficult for white men.
  • FANTASTIC FOUR: Scientist exposes friends, family to dangerous radiation to assuage ego, becomes embroiled in rivalry with former room-mate.
  • FERRIS BUELLER’S DAY OFF: Amoral narcissist makes world dance for his amusement.
  • FIELD OF DREAMS: Schizophrenic builds ball park, almost kills girl.
  • FIGHT CLUB: Deranged sociopath guides yuppies to their deaths.
  • FIREFLY: In an analogue of the post-Civil War west, a white man on the losing side bosses around a black woman.
  • FRANKENSTEIN: Scientific advancement proves unpopular with general public.
  • FREAKS: Acrobat learns value of community.
  • SERENITY: Men fight for possession of scantily clad mentally ill teenage girl.
  • GHOSTBUSTERS: Unemployed college professors destroy hotel with nuclear weapons.
  • GLADIATOR: Convict murders head of state.
  • GLENGARRY, GLENN ROSS: Sales job proves difficult for some.
  • GONE WITH THE WIND: Rich, white slave owner enjoys getting raped, miscarries.
  • GOOD WILL HUNTING: Underemployed genius squanders prestigious job opportunity to chase trim.
  • GREEN ARROW: Rich white man with Robin Hood fetish goes vigilante.
  • GREEN LANTERN: Policeman beats up his girlfriend.
  • GREMLINS: Distant father ruins son’s life, puts entire town at risk.
  • GROUNDHOG DAY: Misanthropic creep exploits space/time anomaly to stalk coworker.
  • HACKERS: Cybercriminals on revenge kick destroy innumerable jobs.
  • HAIR: Hippie dodges draft, dies ironically.
  • HALLOWEEN: Babysitter’s relationship with murderer places children in danger.
  • HARRY POTTER: Celebrity Jock thinks rules don’t apply to him, is right.
  • HE GOT GAME: Escaped convict attempts to embezzle only son.
  • HIGHLANDER: Elderly immigrant destroys property.
  • IRON MAN: Alcoholic rich white man with technology fetish goes vigilante.
  • WAR MACHINE: Alcoholic rich white man gives weapons to black man.
  • IT: Children use horrific murders as excuse to run train on young girl.
  • JFK: Family man wastes life for nothing in crusade against homosexuals.
  • JUDGE DREDD: Fascist thug in bleak dystopia is cheered.
  • JUNO: Teen fails to get abortion, ruins lives.
  • JURASSIC PARK: Theme park’s grand opening pushed back.
  • KARATE KID: Boy gains acceptance through violence.
  • KILL BILL: Irresponsible mother wants custody of her child.
  • KINDERGARTEN COP: Incompetent left in charge of children, who are eventually fired at by convicted felon.
  • KING KONG: Endangered animal stolen, shot.
  • KING OF KONG: Dick battles loser over trivia.
  • LA CONFIDENTIAL: Rapist joins thug in foiling police corruption scheme.
  • LABYRINTH: Girl is negligent baby-sitter.
  • LARS AND THE REAL GIRL: Retarded man doesn’t know what sex toy is for.
  • LASSIE COME HOME: Family abandons beloved pet, forcing it to engage in a dangerous cross-country journey.
  • LOLITA: Man encourages step-daughter to take chances.
  • LONE WOLF MCQUADE: Alcoholic assaults local businessman, ruins marriage.
  • LORD OF THE RINGS: Midget destroys stolen property.
  • LOVE ACTUALLY: Prime Minister risks war with United States over a sexy secretary.
  • MARLEY AND ME: Out-of-control pet causes mayhem, sadness.
  • METROPOLIS: Efficient society undone by unions.
  • MICHAEL CLAYTON: Attorney works against client’s interests.
  • MILK: Uppity queer dies.
  • MIRRORMASK: Misfit discovers she is special person in secret world just beside our own.
  • MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL: British comedy troupe inadvertently creates language lab for nerds.
  • MULHOLLAND DRIVE: Lesbian relationship is harmful.
  • MY GIRL: Boy killed by female friend’s irresponsibility.
  • NEVERWHERE: Misfit discovers he is special person in secret world just beside our own.
  • O BROTHER WHERE ART THOU: Southern musicians encounter massive flooding and government incompetence.
  • OBSERVE AND REPORT: Emotionally disturbed man gets woman drunk, rapes her.
  • OCEAN’S ELEVEN: Gang of career criminals commit act of terror to facilitate robbery and romance.
  • OF MICE AND MEN: Migrant farmer murders mentally handicapped friend.
  • ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO’S NEST: Disruptive mental patients treated.
  • PILLOW TALK: Gay man tricks woman into sex.
  • POLTERGEIST: Pot-head parents lose child, ruin property values.
  • PREDATOR: American military-industrial complex ruins first contact with alien life.
  • PRETTY BABY: Young woman’s modeling career encouraged.
  • PRIDE AND PREJUDICE: Woman with gold-digging mother nags wealthy man into marriage.
  • PYGMALION: Urchin cured by social betters.
  • RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK: American yahoo murders soldiers and desecrates religious artifacts for money.
  • RAISING ARIZONA: Convicted felon seduces police officer in kidnapping plot.
  • RAMBO III: The United States provides arms, equipment and training to the terrorists behind 9/11.
  • RATATOUILLE: Vermin infest restaurant until it is forced to close doors.
  • RAVENOUS: Coward is seduced by cannibal, destroys army outpost.
  • RED DAWN: Despite shock-and-awe tactics, a superior occupying force is no match for a tenacious sect of terrorist insurgents.
  • RISKY BUSINESS: Privileged rich kid gets everything he wants with no consequences.
  • ROAD HOUSE: Bouncer becomes vigilante, murders local businessman with karate.
  • ROBIN HOOD: Disgruntled veteran protests taxes.
  • ROBOCOP: Female officer’s incompetence leads partner to be murdered and enslaved by corporation.
  • ROCKY: White man beats black man.
  • ROSEMARY’S BABY: An unplanned pregnancy leads to complications.
  • RUDY: Diminutive athlete patronized.
  • RUSHMORE: Teen molests teacher, is expelled. Finds love.
  • SCARFACE: Immigrant finds running his own business stressful, dangerous.
  • SCHINDLER’S LIST: Wealthy industrialist expands not-for-profit ventures.
  • SCOTT PILGRIM: Emotionally immature musician sleeps with high-school girl.
  • SE7EN: Homicide detectives unable to prevent even a single murder by admitted serial killer, killer gives cop head.
  • SHORT CIRCUIT: Rogue scientist steals top-secret government weapon.
  • SIGNS: Jesus trumps science.
  • SILENCE OF THE LAMBS: Incompetent manipulated by several murderers, stumbles upon suspect completely by accident. Creates situation that allows serial killer to escape.
  • SLEEPY HOLLOW: Veteran harassed.
  • SMOKEY AND THE BANDIT: Redneck bootlegger makes mockery of law, sanctity of marriage.
  • SNOW WHITE AND THE SEVEN DWARFS: Layabout stepdaughter shacks up with seven miners.
  • SOPHIE’S CHOICE: Mom loves one of her kids way more than the other one.
  • SOUTHLAND TALES: Traumitized vet destroys universe.
  • SPIDER-MAN: Nerd gets bitten by spider, complains about how this ruins his life for years to come.
  • STARDUST: Misfit discovers he is special person in secret world just beside our own.
  • STAR TREK: Over-sexed officer routinely places crew in danger.
  • STAR TREK THE MOTION PICTURE: Meglomaniac can’t let go of past glory, drives successor to suicide.
  • STAR TREK III: Military officers steal vessel and destroy it to eliminate a handful of enemies while engaged on an extremely vague rescue mission.
  • STAR TREK IV: Interplanetary fugitives poach wildlife from a past age to cover up an act of genocide.
  • STAR TREK VI: Racist military commander past his prime nearly ruins galactic peace.
  • STAR WARS: A NEW HOPE: Religious extremist terrorists destroy government installation, killing thousands.
  • STAR WARS: EMPIRE STRIKES BACK: Boy is abused by midget, kisses sister, attempts patricide.
  • STAR WARS: RETURN OF THE JEDI: Handicapped mass murderer kills septugenarian, is lauded.
  • STRAW DOGS: Immigrant clashes with locals.
  • SUPERBAD: Boys plan date-rape, sleep together.
  • SUPERMAN RETURNS: Illegal immigrant is deadbeat dad.
  • SWEENEY TODD: Businesses flourish when freed from stringent regulation.
  • TAXI DRIVER: Modern dating proves challenging for working class man.
  • TERMINATOR: An unplanned pregnancy leads to complications.
  • TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE: Tourists have difficulty with regional cuisine.
  • THE CAT FROM OUTER SPACE: College professors help illegal alien evade authorities.
  • THE CONVERSATION: Paranoid schizophrenic follows worst possible career path.
  • THE CRYING GAME: Hairdresser bonds with client.
  • THE EDGE: Men bond in Alaskan wilderness.
  • THE EXORCIST: Jesus trumps science.
  • THE FIRM: White lawyer learns hard work is irrelevant.
  • THE GOLDEN COMPASS: Critique of Catholicism upstaged by polar bear fight.
  • THE GOOD THE BAD AND THE UGLY: Nameless drifter kills American soldier over stolen money, hangs friend.
  • THE GOONIES: Physically abused, retarded man finds love with overweight preteen.
  • THE INCREDIBLE JOURNEY: Family abandons beloved pets, forcing them to engage in a dangerous cross-country journey.
  • THE MATRIX: Hacker is given perfect justification for mass slaughter.
  • THE NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS: Dangerous insurgent invades neighboring country.
  • THE OFFICE: Incompetent boss routinely endangers employees, passes fire-worthy blame, sexually harasses subordinates; is seen as “hero” compared to people who just actually work.
  • THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST: Mel Gibson fulfills fantasy of showing a Jew beaten to a bloody pulp and killed on-screen.
  • THE PROFESSIONAL: Hired murderer sleeps with little girl.
  • THE STEPFORD WIVES: Woman has difficulty adjusting to suburban life.
  • THE TAKING OF PELHAM 1 2 3: Civil servant insults and shoots foreigners.
  • THE THING: Unexpected visitor imposes on workers, their dogs.
  • THE UNTOUCHABLES: Murderer indicted on technicality.
  • THE WICKER MAN: Isolated religious community revitalized by newcomer.
  • THE X-MEN: Minority group seeks overthrow of social order.
  • THERE WILL BE BLOOD: Kidnapper commits murder several times.
  • TITANIC: Crazy old widow disregards lifelong memories of husband, children, and grandchildren in favor of that one time she fucked a bum.
  • TOP GUN: Pilot routinely endangers Air Traffic Controllers.
  • TORCHWOOD: Bisexual is inefficient manager.
  • TRAINSPOTTING: Statutory rapist and junkie sifts through human waste, gets enormous sum of money.
  • TRANSPORTER: Repressed homosexual kills employers.
  • TWILIGHT: Girl gives up college for stalker.
  • BREAKING DAWN: Native American guy is romantically obsessed with ex-girlfriend’s baby.
  • TWIN PEAKS: FIRE WALK WITH ME: Father becomes more involved in teenage daughter’s life.
  • V FOR VENDETTA: Dystopian government overthrown by faceless conformity.
  • VERTIGO: Stalker drives woman to suicide.
  • W.: Unspeakable disaster afflicts America. Then terrorists attack.
  • WALL-E: Obsolete robot disrupts big business, disrupts lives of millions of innocent civilians.
  • WAR OF THE WORLDS: Immigrants face difficulty acclimating.
  • WATCHMEN: Homosexual destroys New York, blames God.
  • WEEKEND AT BERNIES: Two employees take advantage of their boss’ hospitality.
  • WONDER WOMAN: Princess from isolationist culture lectures Americans on equality.
  • WORLD TRADE CENTER: Rag-tag group of underdogs succeed at a massive undertaking despite overwhelming odds, credit success with faith in God.
(Lifted from www.postmodernbarney.com)

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Book the Sequel

Posted by Unrepentant Escapist

April 29, 2009 -- 11:04 a.m.

Last post today, I promise! I'm just catching up on all the news around the genre sphere and reading the blog posts I missed. And putting off writing. Can't forget that. I'm moving along at a good clip, writing about three thousand (more?) words yesterday and aiming for the same amount today. Get done now, edit later.

However, I think this is kind of an amusing, albeit silly project.

BOOK THE SEQUEL:

“It turned out not to be the worst of times at all; they got so much worse later.” —From A Tale of Three Cities by Charles Dickens
Ever thought up a great hook for the sequel to classics like Catchers in the Rye or Moby Dick? Now, you can get those great first lines published without worrying about any of those headache-type issues like copyright and estates. "Book the Sequel" is a book entirely made up of first lines to sequels to classic works. The book will be a collaborative work and deadlines in May.

Learn (a little more) and submit your sequel line here.

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Arm Joe

Posted by Unrepentant Escapist

April 14, 2009 -- 2:42 a.m.

Weird, but free video game:

"Arm Joe," the Street Fighter game based on Victor Hugo's novel Les Miserables. Watch Cosette kick Javere's ass! I haven't played this one, but the screen shots look entertaining.

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