Jenn's World

So I've finally had time to begin my Hugo reading.

I so would wear this.

My younger brothers fail to appreciate the awesomeness of Spiderpig. I think they just don't understand how epic it is.

Maybe they fail to understand the epicness of the Simpsons in general. For me, even though some more recent cartoons have surpassed them in humor (only to go down into their own abyss of repetition *cough* Family Guy), they all owe a huge debt to Homer, Marge, Bart, Lisa and Maggie. And unlike the more recent adult cartoons, the Simpsons had heart. It was about people who, more often than not, were trying to do their best only to have things go horribly wrong. The best Simpsons episodes weren't focussed around guest stars and gimics, but around the relationships of a family that wasn't too different from our own.

That's while I'll always be a Simpsons fan, even if some episodes/entire seasons make me wince and reach for the shark repellent...

In other animation news, I finally went to see Avatar. I was pleased by the animation and all the little touches that went into the story. The technology was wonderful, the scenary breathtaking. While nothing new on the story front--white man goes and becomes truest member of native culture--there were enough little twists to keep this interesting. Like the evil corporate dude was reluctant to commit a massacre and the main character started things in a wheelchair. I don't think Avatar will become the classic Star Wars is, just because there wasn't enough groundbreaking, either in terms of idea or plot. But for what it is, it's the best. Enough little flourishes and details that I could tell everything came out of love, and I'd put it at the very top of the "nature-worship" genre, which in general bugs me because it because it's so didatic. Nature = good. Technology = bad.

There is some irony, of course, given the high involvement of technology in this film.

Speaking of Spiderman, there's also supposedly a Spiderman Broadway muscial in the works. From comics to movies to Broadway. Weird.

Golly gee, I'm sick again. Which is amazing since I've been a hermit this past week. Germs somehow invaded my fortress of solitude.

Good thing Legend of the Seeker is here to entertain me. Richard Rahl/Cypher actor Craig Horner has grown a beard. But had he grown THE BEARD?

When I see him, I have the urge to shout "GET A HAIRCUT, YOU HIPPEE!!!"

While I'll grant that Legend of the Seeker has its quality issues, there's so much quality camp ("Or you'll feel the wrath of my sword!") that how can you NOT love it? (Speaking of camp, hulu also has some MST3K up and the Inspector Gadget Saves Christmas. Because is there anything extendable legs can't solve? No? I thought so). I'm happy to see they're keeping around the main villain from season one, because despite a general aura of villanous stupidity, he does entertain me. I wish he'd camp it up more. At least he hasn't worn his "wizard's wifebeater" this season.

I haven't read anything of Goodkind's but the Wizard's First Rule, mostly because--I don't like Ayn Rand. The ironic thing is, the whole premise of Legend of the Seeker, which is about going around and saving weak and helpless people seems somewhat contradictory to the Ayn Rand's ideas... But I'm not an expect.

But Legend of the Seeker is not only a philosophical masterpiece (teehee), it is also an educational tool. So, without further ado...

EVERYTHING I'VE LEARNED FROM LEGEND OF THE SEEKER

25) Any problem can be solved with a sufficiently big magic sword.
24) Dharken Rahl looks pretty good naked.
23) Skirts are absolutely no hindrance in a battle.
22) Wizards can cut holes in walls when it comes to letting prisoners escape, but they can't cut their way into evil fortresses.
21) You cannot be slightly evil. You have to either be a) misunderstood b) an axe-wielding maniac or c) a lovable thief.
20) Swords are for slashing, never stabbing. And enemies will always fall down with dramatic death cries, even though there are no visible wounds.
19) Always wear your corset laced up as tightly as possible, even while sleeping.
18) All farmer/ranger types can instantly pick up swordplay and then go on to beat any trained, armored swordsman.
17) A white dress will never get dirty, even if you're beaten and thrown in prison.
16) Your power is directly proportional to the power the plot requires. (IE, the Power-ups and abilities you gained last episode will never be useful again. And the guy who beat you at the beginning of the episode will not be able to manage to do so at the end of the episode...even though no change has been made except for the hero learning a moral.)
15) Real men never use hand gestures.
14) Hair will mysteriously get longer if you braid it and pile it on top of your head.
13) An explosion must always be accompanied by a hero leaping away and screaming.
12) All magical keys, potions, puzzles, etc. will be designed to be ridiculously difficult and often require trips to several different villages, no matter what the end result actually is.
11) If you have important information that the hero must know, write it down, because chances are, when you try to tell it to them you'll be killed mid-sentence.
10) Hot peasant women will always have access to great tailors. And their massive cleavage will never get in the way of their farming, ie, pop out while they're hoeing potatoes.
9) There are two sides in any argument, of which one of them will always be wrong. Unless they're both wrong. 'Gray area' is another word for 'pussy.'
8) When in doubt, get on something high and leap off screaming. This always works.
7) Even if someone's made a HUGE, TERRIBLE mistake, their spouse and friends will always forgive them completely within an hour-long span of time.
6) Good guys important to the plot never die. If they do, a woman dressed in the tight red leather will climb on top of them and give them mouth to mouth. Which is, of course, an enticement to suicide.
5) Cheaters never prosper. Unless they're lovable side characters who actually have hearts of gold. (Sorry blond dude, but you're no Bruce Campbell)
4) Hell is actually a naked gay orgy.
3) Don't ignore prophecy because it will come back and bite you in the ass.
2) Peasants are always happy unless they're currently being molested by tyrants or monsters.
1) Yes, the slit in Kahlan's skirt CAN go higher.

After re-reading the Wheel of Time FAQ, I have changed my mind as to who killed Asmodean.

It was Bela.

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And probably Graendal. Although I still think it would have been cool if Mazrim Taim or his controller hired Slayer to take out Asmodean so Taim could take his place as Rand's teacher and gain his trust. And when Slayer said the Dark One himself had called on his services, well, who else but to take a Forsaken? It would have been cool, but I don't think that's what happened. And Demandred's alter-ego is, apparently according to interviews, not someone we've met on-screen yet. Which is dumb.

You know you love a world when it can invoke so much rage in its readers.

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In other news, I apparently may not patent my catchphrase "throw the back against the wall." Someone else got to it first.

Tv Tropes is a wonderfully interesting website to explore, if you haven't already. Basically it covers tropes in television, movies, literature, video and table top games. Not to criticize the tropes, but to explain them. It has some beautiful terminology and I love the comprehensive links system. From contemptible covers to growing the beard to "Not Using the Z word," this has loving references to all the tropes we know and love. You can search by trope or by book/movie/whatever to discover all sorts of interesting stuff. Great time-waster! I love it! Be warned...you can get lost in this for hours...and it is definitely not WWJS (What Would Jesus Surf?). Especially the outside links, including some to...erotic Care Bear fanfic.

Ah, Grumpy Bear. You should be ashamed of yourself.

However, as a writer, you walk away from the site a sense of depression. Because YOU CANNOT ESCAPE THE TROPES. Nothing you ever do will ever be original. Ever.

I also got queasy after reading the 'unfortunate implications' page. I'm trying to do some interesting things with race in my books, but it gives me nightmares sometimes what someone reading about 'savage Dark Elvs' and the slavery of dark-skinned Lomari mages by the light-skinned humans (albeit after generations of the dark-skinned Lomari enslaving the light-skinned humans) will think after reading it. The end point of the book is that NO ONE RACE in this world is right and pure and perfect, and that its a semi-ironic take on the normal fantasy, especially of Elvs (ie, Our Elvs are better and the Noble Savage concepts). But I can see how some things can be misinterpreted.

Well, any press is good press. Right? Right?

It would be incredibly ironic if, when I write book solely on my desire to have brown-skinned female wizard protagonists (not as unique as I thought), I end up killing the same book because it accidentally comes off really racist. Well, at least she isn't a staff chick.

Ah, the overwrought conscience of a politically correct liberal.

On the plus side, I got 100 pages of revision done. The middle of my book is mostly dialogue so the pages just kind of fly by. I'm doing them over again, of course, and I'm going to try and add some more depth, and wondering whether some parts fit the rule of cool or its just me. Albeit not of the sexual and more of the bright shiny explosions variety.

So...Yeah.